Some parents can come across as overbearing when they do anything in their child’s best interest.
Toothrowaway1199, a Redditor, promised to pay for their 18-year-old son’s college tuition as well as other means of financial support.
The parents, however, have reconsidered extending a lifeline to their son following recent events.
Not sure of whether they’re doing the right thing, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
The Story:
“My son is 18m and we’ve promised to pay for his college, we gave him a car (my husband owns it though) and we’ve put some money away for him after he graduates to help get in his feet. And we support him when it comes to food and bills.”
“He moved in with his girlfriend a couple months ago and we hadn’t met her, we thought it was a bit weird and fast, but that was all, presumably, these were two teenagers we were talking about. Then we met her.”
“She’s 28 female. My son is very handsome, but also very much looks like a teenage boy, he’s often mistaken for a 16yo. No almost 30yo should be into him.”
“And that’s just his appearance, he acts like a teen boy too.”
“As soon as the situation was clear I told her to leave. My husband and I talked to him and told him she was too old for him, and that he was in a bad situation, but he got really defensive and left.”
“We’ve talked to him multiple times about it and my husband is ready to take action, we told him we wouldn’t pay for his education, withhold all his money, we took the car back, and stopped giving him cash/supporting him.”
“We hate to do this, and I’m not 100% sure we’re doing the right thing AITA (we)?”
Responses:
Reddit’s community started responding to this woman’s post, parents got mixed responses from strangers. Online strangers were asked to select one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There were a lot of judgments.
“So you’ve taken all his support and increased the likelihood that he will become financially dependent on this older woman. You have the right to withdraw funds. Technically, he is an adult.”
“However, by punishing him you’re just going to push him away. If this woman does turn out to be bad news he won’t have you to turn to for help if he finds himself in a bad situation that he lacks the maturity or resources to get out of.” – joanclaytonesq
“I would continue to fund the education but stop supporting some of the bills. That way they are not cutting him off completely, he is not dependent on the predator and at the same time there is a clear message that they don’t support his relationship.”
“I would even let him keep the car with clear instructions that if she drives it, it will be considered theft as she does not have their permission to drive their car.”
“Continuing to fund his education also tells him that while the parents are currently unhappy, they’ve not abandoned him and will be there should things fall apart with his gf.”
“In fact, I would explicitly convey this – that ‘we still love you and will always be there should you come to us, but we can’t honestly support this relationship because we are concerned that it is not healthy for you.’” – nutwit9211
“That big of an age gap between a teenager and a grown woman is suspect. I agree continue paying his education pay it directly to the school. If he has decided to move in with her and they’re having a relationship you can’t stop them but you shouldn’t financially support them either they’re grown-ups they wanna do grown-up things they need to pay for it.”
“But don’t give him the education money pay it directly to the school 18-year-old boys are gonna be 18-year-old boys.” – Dramatic_Chocolate53
“It’s a legit concern. Fortunately it’s an old one we know how to address – the prodigal son approach.”
“Keep contact with him, don’t alienate him – he’s not a bad kid or person, and you’re not forcing him to do anything; you just want what’s best for him. Stress incessantly – way more than you’d think necessary – that you still love him, he’s still your son, and you are ready to welcome him back with open arms, and continue your generous financial support of him, once he puts himself back on track.”
“Maybe we’re all wrong and it’s true love. If that’s the case, then the parents will (hopefully) notice eventually and thaw on their position (this is another reason to maintain contact with him, in case you’re wrong).”
“More likely he’ll come to his senses eventually and return to the very comfortable lifepath his parents envision for him, and this will become but a brief blip of memory that nobody gives much thought to.” – PabloPaniello
“NAH.”
“You’re not an a**hole for wanting to protect him. He’s also not an a**hole for being in a manipulative, potentially unsafe, relationship. Unfortunately your actions are likely to alienate him and push him closer to her though.” – usernamefiend
“i would also say YTA for cutting off all support for a daughter in an exploitative situation. i don’t think they’re TA for not supporting the relationship, i think they’re TA for abandoning their son when they know he’s in a dangerous situation.” – Dry_Marzipan7811
“Keep paying for his education so he has a way to get a job if he needs to leave, his car so he can, let him have his money that’s his, and move to supporting him emotionally (keeping in touch frequently but not trying to convince him to leave) while putting the financial contributions he would have gotten into an emergency savings account.”
“If it is an abusive situation, OP has just told their son that he can’t come home or use their resources if he’s not in a good way. Their actions leave him more vulnerable to abuse and control.” – agoldgold
“I would still say YTA if the parents were forcing their 18 year old daughter to rely on a 28 year old man financially wtf. do you actually think taking away all support and severing that sense of trust will help the son (or daughter if roles were reversed) get out of this situation instead of moving further into it?” – badabingbadaboom3
“Their actions are likely to push him further into a dysfunctional relationship. They’re doing the exact opposite of what they think they are. What happens if he drops out of school because he can’t afford it, then ends up financially dependent on this girl?”
“Honestly… The ages are very suspicious, but they’re both consenting adults, and his parents need to stop trying to control him. The relationship, if it’s abusive, should be determined as such based on actions and not ages.”
“And for that reason, YTA.” – opinionreservoir
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this parent’s story? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
YTA to abandon your son.
What I think would been best is voice your concerns on age with both of them.. you gave him the car.. so give it too him simply help him get it in his name so your no longer responsible for it… education pay directly to the school so that your still able to provide the education promised. He is deciding to go with another option that what you were providing in terms of bills and that’s fine that’s his choice. He can get employment to help pay their bills and start learning responsibility. this is not being unkind or blocking what may one day turn out to be your daughter in law.. this keeps things open and supportive for everyone. while allowing him to grow up and become the man you likely are wanting him to become. Just remember his partner is his choice … you can make it hard on him and hurt the family or you can let him make his own mistakes and be the supportive parent I know you are trying to be. there are things he will learn from this either way which hopefully will do him good in the long run