A mother recently posted a very strange situation on Reddit. Her younger daughter is marrying her older daughter’s fiancee and she’s on board with it. She asked her question on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) explaining the whole situation in great detail.
The Story
This mother, username mommyinthemud, wrote:
“My younger daughter (Hayleigh, 28f) is marrying my older daughter (Jennifer, 30f)’s ex-fiancé (Sam).”
“Jennifer is mad at me b/c I’m going to Hayleigh’s wedding. She says that, ‘I’m condoning her bad sister’s behavior as always’, but that’s simply not true.”
“When the wedding was called off & we found that it was b/c Sam & Hayleigh were dating, I called Hayleigh immediately & I asked her to rethink the relationship. Not only for her sister’s sake, but also because “if he could do it once, he could do it twice” & I didn’t want her to get hurt. She reassured me that, that wasn’t the case – that they were meant for each other & had known this for a long time, so I left it at that.”
“I spoke to Sam, too. He apologized for any hurt he may caused, but said that it wouldn’t be fair to marry Jennifer when deep in his heart he knew that he was in love with Hayleigh. They’ve officially been together for a little over a year now & they truly seem happy and in love.”
“My husband is supporting Jennifer. He’s disgusted with the whole situation & doesn’t want anything to do with it. At one point he announced that he wouldn’t be giving Sam his blessing or walking Hayleigh down the aisle.”
“I don’t like what this household has become. This is the first Christmas we haven’t spent together as a whole family.”
“I don’t like the situation anymore than my husband or Jennifer do, but they don’t understand that ignoring the reality of it doesn’t make it go away.”
“When he had said that he wasn’t walking Hayleigh down the aisle, she was devastated. I asked my husband if he was willing to risk his relationship with Hayleigh by not walking her down the aisle. Jennifer accused me of trying to twist him to my side.”
“I told Jennifer that it’s not about sides, it’s about learning how to forgive. I’ve told her that it’s been over a year now since her & Sam broke up, and she’s been bitterly jumping from relationship to relationship because she’s so focused on Hayleigh and Sam, and that if she never learns to forgive them, she’ll never be at peace.”
“She says that I don’t understand that Hayleigh purposely stole Sam from her, & that she’s been doing this since they were kids and I never noticed. I told her that she should have told me then. She said that I should’ve been paying closer attention & noticed it. I told her that she had to learn to let go of certain things in the past in order to move forward & that if Hayleigh did steal Sam, as she claimed, then Hayleigh did her a favor.”
“She didn’t want to hear that, but it needed to be said. I also offered to put her on a three-way call with Hayleigh, but she declined. Then she gave me an ultimatum. She said if I go to the wedding it means Hayleigh was my favorite child all along and that she’ll never speak to me again.”
“I told her that I’m going to the wedding, just as I would’ve gone to hers if she was in that situation. She said okay & hung up. Later, my husband calls me from work telling me she called him crying.”
After receiving a ton of responses on her post, she updated it with a few answers to some of the common questions asked in the comments.
“I wanted to answer some questions here:”
“Q: Were Sam and Hayleigh having an affair, or did they start to date after the wedding was called off?”
“A: I’m not really sure. I never asked for details, and I’m not sure I really want to know either. From what I’ve been told, Sam came to Jennifer and told her that he couldn’t marry her because he was in love with Hayleigh.”
“Q: When I spoke to Hayleigh, why didn’t I tell her she was wrong?”
“A: Because if she doesn’t feel like she’s wrong at the age of 28, then nothing I say will convince her otherwise. We’ve all known what’s it like to be in love with someone that people we care about don’t like. And how did that turn out? Despite warnings, we had to see it through to the end and suffer the consequences. Because I loved her, I still warned her, but it’s up to her to make the decision for herself now.”
“Q: Why am I supporting Sam and Hayleigh’s relationship despite the hurt it causes Jennifer?”
“A: I’m not supporting the relationship, I’m supporting Hayleigh. Not because of what she did, but because of who she is. That’s my daughter, and no matter how much I disagree with her or Jennifer’s actions, I carried them both of them inside me and my love for both of them is unconditional. I’ve supported and comforted Jennifer to the best of my ability, and I will be here to do so until the day I die, but that goes for Hayleigh, as well.”
The Responses
Reddit’s community quickly shared that this mother should’ve supported her older daughter and not let this happen. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
tkdwarriorprincess wrote:
“YTA.”
“Your daughter breaks up your older daughters relationship by cheating and you support her over your betrayed daughter??”
“She is the victim here and you’re telling her they did her a favour and get over it and be nice?”
“How did you ever even become a mom????”
“Sounds like her accusations absolutely have merit and you likely do favour your youngest. Don’t be surprised if you lose her relationship for good. Sounds like you’ve already lost her respect and love. So glad at least her father is there for her”
Old_Sheepherder_630 commented:
“YTA (as are Hayley and Sam, but that goes without saying.)”
“You are treating this as a relationship issue involving Sam and it’s not. It’s about Jennifer being betrayed in the most personal way by her sister.”
“As a mom you can (and should) love and support Hayley as your daughter, but that doesn’t mean condoning a relationship. She needs to learn there are consequences to such incredibly cruel behavior, one of which should be she doesn’t get her dream wedding with universal acceptance.”
EmmiCeedee chimed in:
“YTA.”
“Your youngest child stole your oldest child’s fiance, and a year later, is going to marry him.”
“She KNEW she was going to break her sisters heart. Im sorry but no matter WHAT I felt for someone there is NO WAY I would betray my sister. Not even a FRIEND never mind family.”
“Your daughter, can be as upset as she wants about her dad not walking her down the aisle. Tbh she needs to suck it up. Upset? Boo hoo. Its of her own doing and a FRACTION of the hurt her sister is feeling.”
“You ARE choosing your youngest by going to her wedding. Your eldest has done nothing wrong, except for be betrayed by 2 people who should have had her back.”
“If a man ever did this to my daughter, I wouldnt be having much to do with him at all. Let alone supporting a MARRIAGE to my other daughter.”
This post has over 2.1k comments, you can read them all on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What do you think this mother should’ve done? Did she do the right thing or not? Let us know your take in the comments below!
Source: Reddit
The mother should take a 2 week vacation to Europe with her husband and Jennifer during the week of the wedding. I wouldn’t have anything to do with Sam. If Sam & Jennifer were really meant to be they wouldn’t care if the parents were at the wedding. Forgive-yes, but reconciliation is too early- not until Jennifer finds herself a man she is in love with. We all know nothing will be the same until children are born.
This is the trashiest thing I’ve heard in a long time. Teaching your daughter that sloppy seconds are the way to go is awful!! I am glad she isn’t my mother.
Amen to that! This mother lacks respect and it shows.
The mom is totally in the wrong. YTA for treating your oldest daughter the way you have. Hopefully karma will hit your youngest daughter and right before she gets married that jerk breaks it off for someone else. And for your insensitivity for your oldest hopefully karma will visit you as well and you’ll get to see exactly what it’s like to be betrayed. It doesn’t matter how old your daughter is if she doesn’t want to hear you out thats on her but you don’t have to support her disgusting behavior that she knew would destroy the family when she was doing it.
the sad thing here is going to be the wasted years. years spent angry, the years spent apart, having separate holidays and family visits, when grandchildren come and you all don’t spend time together….I hope for the sake of everyone that forgiveness happens sooner rather than later…this is sad and I pray that your family finds peace in spite of Sam and the situation
Ugh!! I thought it was common knowledge not to go after a guy that your relative has already been with. That is just asking for bridges to be burnt and have conflict. Mom is so in the wrong! They all need to kick that guy out of their lives.
What is done is done may be your eldest is isn’t for Sam, as a Mom you did the right thing to give the love and support for your youngest, there is a readon why it happened that way .. we need to accept all what is happening in our life .. As a my uncle had said, you cannot force a man to love a woman he don’t like, or he don’t like anymore, coz if Sam narries Jennife, Sam will not be happy with Jennifer anymore coz he loves the youngest, maybe he loves Hayleigh coz she has the charater, which Jennifer hasn’t .. So being a Mom and Dad, you both give the supoort, love, and care the girls needs, differently and make them understand especially for Jennifer, maybe there is a man for her who understands and loves her very much .. God has plans for all of us, much better
this is the worst mother. trying to emotionally manipulate them about forgiving. that is just plane shit. I hope jennifer and her dad cut off them for good.
Either way you’re f’d. You go or don’t go you will be a bad mother to either of them. This is something that your daughters’ need to figure out themselves. they need to talk about it and figure shit out instead of you getting beat up in between. good luck.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Obviously, your daughter was having an affair with her sisters fiancé! You don’t sleep with the same man as your sister! It’s disgusting. If I were your daughter I would never forgive her or you for approving of this and going to the wedding. Kudos to your husband who is boycotting the wedding and standing by his daughter who was cheating on my your other daughter and ex fiancé.
You can’t steal a person from another person. If Sam and Hayleigh love each other, Jennifer is lucky she found out before getting married. This BS about how you can’t date or marry someone who has been with another family is ridiculous. The heart loves who the heart loves. Jennifer sounds immature and very spoiled. She needs to get over it and move on
Praying for you because this wasn’t an easy read so I can’t imagine going through this as a mother. 🤍
This mom is just the worst. How can you accept a guy who hurt your daughter? Jennifer is right all along that youve taken Hayley’s side. How can you accept your b*tch daughter’s behavior and couldnt see right through your other hurting daughter? Betrayal is painful and hard to accept especially if it’s done by a family member. Poor Jennifer for having a mom like you and a sister like Hayley. If she ever cut you off her life, no wonder. Yes, YTA.
As much as I don’t agree with any of this. On the other hand, We can all sit here and say we would do this or we would do that but at the end of the day you don’t know what you’d do unless you were presented with that situation.
Both daughters are young WOMEN – not teenagers throwing a tantrum. These sorts of things happen and the mother and young ladies need to have a down to earth chat about it all without interference from Sam or Dad. It’s a horrible and hard situation. But if they’re going to preserve the family. It will need to happen. Not condoning any of the behavior. Life has its rough times and this certainly one of them.
I wonder if the youngest daughter already reached out to her sister to apologize for what she did. Forgiveness is not something that can be given overnight. It’s a process – a tough one especially if you are deeply hurt. From what I’ve read, it seems to me that the mother is in favor of her youngest. It was easy for the mom to tell her eldest to forgive, but hard for her to convince her youngest to figure out her wrong behavior just because the mom thinks that her daughter won’t believe to whatever she says. I simply don’t get it.
It’s more of the mom siding with her youngest by telling her eldest to forgive her sibling. I have not read anything about the mom convincing her youngest to at least come forward and admit that she’s wrong, then apologize to her sister.
I have seen my sister betrayed by her husband and best friend having an affair that led him to have several more, which finally broke up the marriage when she realized that was his character.
Both Hayleigh and Jennifer’s Ex are those types of people. Because Jennifer tried to explain that Hayleigh consistently moved in on her relationships with anyone…
And if Jennifer meets a new man, I pray he sees through Hayleigh if she’s unhappy and starts the competition all over again.
The mom is wrong to condone the wedding and choose one daughter over the other. She is sending a very bad message that it’s ok to betray the ones you live even at the cost of giving up what you desire, as there are more opportunities elsewhere.
I would just let my daughter know that although I love her and am not disowning her, to attend the wedding would be in poor taste.
Another option would have been for her ex to break off the marriage and allow a lot of time to pass. Then Jennifer might find a truer love meant for her.
Then if the other two are still in love… it wouldn’t hurt as deeply…but I doubt they would last that long, as it’s based on the excitement of adrenaline only.
As far as the mother goes: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!”
This is beyond disgusting and one of the worst kinds of betrayals. The younger sister is indeed wrong and the mom is wrong on so many levels as well. If I were Jennifer, I’d stop all communication with the mom and the trifling deceitful, manipulative… sister. They may be blood related but they are her enemies indeed. How could Jennifer be expected to be around them after what they did to her. The dad was right not to want to walk the disgusting daughter down the isle and the mom is wrong for using cheap psychology for him to do so. She’s so concerned about the disgusting one’s feelings and seems to have no true regard for Jennifer’s feelings. Oh and by the way, Jennifer is right in how she feels. The mom is extremely awful in this situation. How could she condone this and how could she try to sway the dad & Jennifer to accept this low form of behavior. My God. This is awful. She clearly favors the youngest. Disgusting
That mother is an enabler. So long as mommy dearest is ok with it hayleigh, is going to act like a spoiled entitled narcissist. Congratulations mom, on raising a child that is going to ruin the lives of everyone around her.
I don’t blame you mom, You should go to the wedding to make sure that this girl is married so that Jennifer can get a man without fear of him being stolen by her sister. And I agree with you that she did Jen a favor. these two are right for each other.
And i also want to hatsup the father how can your daughter expect you to walk her down the isle in a situation like this.
In my life I have learned that you may not be able to help who you love, but you can control your actions. Especially actions that would hurt someone like this. All these people saying, “It happens, get over it.” are pretty darn selfish people.
I think as a Mom, she gave the BEST response and most likely the SAME I would’ve given if I’d had two daughters and this situation happened. I’ve learned you can’t help who you fall in love with no matter how hard you try or try not to. As the mother you can only give your best advice to both your daughters and console the one in pain. Don’t pick or chose sides, as she stated she gave birth to both and now that they are grown they are responsible for the choices they make.