Raising a child isn’t an easy task – it takes a lot of effort and love from both parents who work together to make sure their child grows up to be a happy individual. Today’s story is about a divorced couple who are raising a daughter together. The mother is raising her to be vegan while the father fed her some Chicken McNuggets – that’s where our story starts.
The Story
Redditor and mom, veggiecoparent, posted her story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) where she explained how her ex-husband fed their daughter chicken McNuggets when she wants her to be vegan. She wrote:
“My ex and I were vegan. I became vegan when we moved in together because he was vegan and he didn’t like there being animal products in the house. I learned more about the way food was made and I agreed. I was vegan while I was pregnant and we’ve raised our daughter vegan for the past eight-ish years.”
“We divorced 15 months ago. He was not faithful but while he was a terrible partner to me, he loves his daughter and during this time I’ve tried to be a good coparent.”
“Yesterday I picked up my daughter from her dad’s house – he wanted to keep her late because he and his partner were going to take the kids (she has 3) to a matinee of Frozen. So it’s dinner time when I’m getting her.” As I navigated the aisles, I couldn’t help but notice other shoppers’ demeanor. A woman’s response to supermarket behavior nearby caught my attention; she seemed frustrated as she juggled her cart and her toddler. The chaos of the evening rush was palpable, everyone vying for their groceries before heading home.
“As we’re driving home she says she’s hungry. I offered her my purse apple (I should have packed better car snacks for the ride) but she spies the golden arches out the window. She has a full. blown. meltdown demanding chicken nuggets.”
“We get home and she’s, like, blowing snot bubbles she’s so enraged. She howls her way through a bowl of leftover soup (honestly, I think I was just being an a**hole at this point because we have chick’n nuggets in the freezer I could have made but rewarding that kind of tantrum seemed like bad parenting). She hates me, I’m a terrible mom, Dad would have let her eat chicken nuggets. She wore herself out crying.”
“She was upset when she woke up this morning asking if I ‘hated’ her because she ate meat (OBVIOUSLY, obviously, obviously not). I spent the entire drive to school reassuring her that I’m not angry with her but that I was surprised that she wanted them. I also reiterated I wasn’t happy with her behaviour of screaming and hollering when she didn’t get what she wanted. I understand that sometimes our emotions feel big but we have to try and be in control of them and not the other way around.”
“But I AM f****ing pissed because I wasn’t aware our hitherto vegan daughter was now eating meat and I feel like that’s a decision that I should have been informed about. I called him after she went to bed and he told me I was being uptight and he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d overreact. I’m controlling and I don’t need to be privy to every single thing he does when our daughter is with him.”
“I’m f****ing MAD. There are vegan options at McDonalds – he didn’t have to feed her chicken but since he did, I would have appreciated a heads-up. Also, for a dude who gave me a hard time for craving oreos (which are f****ing vegan) while pregnant with her, kinda annoyed that he’s shovelling crap in her mouth hand over fist taking her to McDonalds every week.”
“I’d always felt like when she became old enough to choose her diet, I’d let her make her own decisions. If she wants to each chicken nuggets, give’r. But, like, I feel wildly, wildly frustrated that he unilaterally made this choice. I feel like I should have been made aware. I try to keep him updated on her stuff when she’s with me. AITA?”
The Response
Reddit’s community was on the fence with this one but a majority of them disagreed. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.”
starbuckbuckbuck said:
“Honestly? YTA. I’d say he should have told you but obviously you would have flipped your shut about it. Clearly she wants to eat meat and she’s old enough to make her own decisions (to some extent) in regards to what she wants to eat. When she’s older and can comprehend more fully the nuances of the issue, she may choose to go back to veganism, or vegetarianism, etc. or maybe she won’t. But she’s an individual, not property, and she should be allowed to make some decisions for herself. I think you could choose to continue feeding her vegan food when she is with you because you are not ethically comfortable preparing or purchasing it, but be prepared she may not understand that and be somewhat resentful. But I don’t think you should control whether or not she eats meat when she is not in your presence. Edit: honestly you won’t be able to control whether or not she does, so forcing it will only strain your relationship with her and potentially incite her to lie or sneak”
cinderparty wrote:
“Just like when parents come here and say ‘AITA for not letting my kid be vegan?’, I’m going with YTA. If she doesn’t want to be vegan it’s not fair to force her to be. Just like if a kid wants to be vegan it’s not fair to force them to eat animal products.”
“On top of that, you really don’t get to dictate what is served to her, by your equal, as far a guardianship goes, at his house/in his care.”
“What you can do is calmly explain to her, without peta-esque scare tactics, why you’ve chosen to be vegan. Keep communication open. She might just surprise you and choose veganism all on her own.”
“(Oh, and for sure, don’t reward tantrums! Also, you aren’t an a**hole to continue not allowing animal products in your own home, or to refuse to buy them. Explain to her that she can eat chicken nuggets, if she chooses to, when she’s with dad, but you aren’t buying/preparing them when you tell her why you’ve chosen to be vegan.)”
“I get the idea of sharing things between parents, but expecting him to tell you everything she eats is overboard.”
Ragnrok commented:
“YTA”
“You do not have a ‘vegan daughter’. You have a three year old who will literally eat paint chips off the wall if you don’t pay enough attention who you happen to feed vegan foods. Unless there’s a custody arrangement specifying a vegan diet, you kind of just have to deal with it.”
While there were a lot of people who supported her. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.”
oxalis_rex1 said:
“NTA. Everyone seems very focused on the vegan thing but I don’t think that’s what this is actually about. It seems like he encouraged you to participate in a certain lifestyle when you were together (vegan, but also oreo-less so presumably he was very health conscious) and then changed his mind. Which is fine…except the understanding was that you had both decided to raise your child the previous way and he didn’t inform you when that changed. It’s about communicating with your coparent.”
thatsnotaknoife commented:
“NTA even though i personally would not raise a child vegan it’s clear to me that this is something that should be discussed between parents.”
“even if the scenario was something like, ‘the other kids got chicken nuggets so she begged for them and i let her’, a heads up about this just seems like basic co-parenting manners.”
feastofthemind chimed in:
“NTA. It’s infuriating to me that no one can see beyond the word ‘vegan’. It is 100% reasonable to expect him to let you know that your daughter has been eating meat, if only so you know she’d like to change her diet! The fact that he is the one who pushed veganism in the first place only makes this extra sh*tty. And everyone insisting your ex is in the right is ignoring the fact that your child was worried that YOU HATED HER because of his miscommunication. Honestly, I would be surprised if he hadn’t instructed her not to tell you about it based on that reaction and that is worrying.”
This post has over 1000 comments, you can read them all on Reddit here.
Which Side Are You On?
Do you think it’s the mother’s fault here, or did she do the right thing? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
She was right, I hate you too. lol but seriously. Isn’t being vegan a lifestyle choice and shouldn’t a person make that choice for themselves? Yeah, you were being a bit of an ass…a big bit
YTA and I think you know why
I’m definitely on the mom’s side re. her complaints. Mom was obviously taken aback at this unexpected situation since she didn’t get a heads up. Betting she handles it better in the future. However, bottom line on being vegan is up to the daughter.
So if she is a vegan, why does she have chicken nuggets in the freezer at home? Maybe she isn’t as vegan as she says she is?
They have vegan chicken nuggets these days, ya know. They sell em at Vons even. 🙄🙄😒😒
Chick’n nuggets are a vegan meat alternative. They look like chicken nuggets and taste similar, but they have no meat.