Today’s strange story comes from Reddit’s relationship_advice subreddit – where a man asks a daunting question. His wife, who’s terminally ill, asked for permission to sleep with her ex as her dying wish. The post got so massive on Reddit that moderators had to lock and close the thread for reaching their karma limit. It is still preserved on Reddit.
The Story
This Reddit user made a throwaway account, throwawayforeife, to ask for help. Here is his situation:
“I can’t have this tied to my main, but I really need to say something about it and have no one I can tell.”
“My wife has a terminal disease. She is projected to live at most 9 months. I am of course destroyed. We’ve been together for a decade. I don’t remember life without her and I don’t know what I’m going to do when she’s gone. I have been doing my best to make the last days of her life good and grant whatever wish I can.”
“The doctors said that she was likely to need a wheelchair in 4 or 5 months, then by month 8 she’ll be bedridden for the last few weeks. That’s if she doesn’t decline faster.”
“Recently she sat me down and told me that one of the last things she wanted to do was have $ex with a previous partner of hers. I of course was shocked and when I asked why the fuck she wants that. So basically she thinks that her most physically compatible satisfying lover was him. She gave a whole monologue about how $ex sometimes is just physical and how emotionally fulfilling $ex is with me but it was bullshit to get to that point.”
“So now I’m left with this, deny my dying wife a wish for my own ego, or let her go fuck another man who she feels was better. Honestly I’m so pissed of and betrayed that she asked this of me. I feel like I’m put in a position where I have to say yes because she’s dying.”
“I know what I want to say, but I don’t know if that’s right. I’m so hurt that $ex with an ex was apparently so good that she needs to do it once before she dies. I just hate everything about this.”
“I’m really not sure what to do”
The Responses
The community of Reddit came to support and comfort the man of this story. They also gave him some pretty sound advice in the process. Here are some of the top comments:
tmchd, still in utter disbelief, said:
“If this is a real story, well then, just pack her stuff and let her live with her ex for the rest of her time.”
dancerwales commented:
“Immediate concern: is she in contact with her ex?”
“Is she seeking permission from you, when she’s already established a reconciliation with her ex?”
“Either way. WTF.”
“She wants your lasting memory of her to be that she left you for a rumble in the bedsheets with an ex?”
“Sorry but her illness is not an excuse to treat you like sh*t. That is incredibly insulting to you and your relationship.”
1threadkiller1 asked a good question:
“How does she know this person at all after 10 years with you? Or that this person would want to involve themselves in no strings s*x with a dying EX from over a decade ago? This seems like a very odd request to bring to you without any leg work or preparation. That she would significantly risk blowing up her marriage and end of life companionship and care for s*x with someone she isn’t in contact with and doesn’t know would still even entertain the thought of intimacy with her.”
Although this post is now locked, it gained 294 answers before being locked. You can read all of the answers on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your answer to this man’s incredibly tough situation? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Source: Reddit – My dying wife asked me if I’d be okay if she had s*x with her ex one last time
I think she intentionally saying this so you will be emotionally detached to her when she died.
I have this same feel. If the relationship between you and you wife is not having any major problems throughout the decade I don’t see a logic why this request suddenly arise except that she want you not to feel sad when she left. Move on to find another partner. That’s what she hope for I guess. Knowing that she can’t be with you for her rest of her life and worrying that you will feel too bad and not to move on.. That’s the only way she could think off.
I think you should tell her that you don’t want her f***** another guy, and if she wants that other guy so badly, then maybe she should go be with him.
ouch. f***ed if you do f***ed if you don’t
i’ve lost partners, but they left suddenly
i don’t think i would comply to this bs request
“if i comply to this, you understand i’m gone. right?” is my 1st thought. i would start with this
perhaps something else is going on for her to even suggest this… what is really going on? is it really about sex or is it a f***ed up ploy to push you away and to “not grieve her”
what does she want? when does she want to push you away? now, to die alone; or later after she is gone?
depending on her answer and what sort of contact she has had with dude, if she has been faithful, is how i’d weigh this decision
also if she is asking for permission or telling you, is a factor as well
my fiancé and best friend of 7 yrs died in my arms
she was sick, fragile diabetes. i did see people after, but i felt like i couldn’t love again because it was always her. but about 3 yrs later i met someone and i felt like my heart could open again… that ending is also tragic #f***covid… i digress
love then death is painful, i wish it on no one
but love doesn’t die, it only changes form
and love after death can happen. it exists. it is real
to her i say:
don’t deprive him of his journey
your selfish request won’t spare him, it’ll only break him. is that what you want?
you aren’t the only one who is dying, his love is too. that is you, for his path is with you
It”s just s*x and I’m sure you’ll be doing it with someone when she’s gone. :O)
Trust me, if this is her DYING WISH, she’s already had him! She could easily have sex with her ex without hubby knowing. I think she’s trying to ease his pain, but she’s doing it in the wrong way. Such a waste spending your last days in a negative space.