‘My Mother Wants Me to Pay Her for Babysitting Her Own Grandchild Full-Time’

A young mom is furious at her retired mother, who refused to babysit her newborn grandchild unless she is paid $20 per hour.

Sharing on Reddit’s AITA platform, this 29-year-old woman from the US asked people if she TA for asking her mom to babysit her child while she goes back to her 9-5 job.

“I (29f) asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then,” she wrote.

OP wrote that her mother refused to babysit her kid and said she was too old to do that.

“She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.”

The new mom noted that she earns more than her husband, and since they both were in debt, she can’t become a stay-at-home mother at this point.

“We are just coming out of a pandemic, going into a possible recession, there and there is no way me and my partner can make it financially on one income. I make $55k/yr, but have $39k in student loans + $20k in other debt (credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit).”

She further explained, “My partner makes about $36k/yr, and has $5k in credit card debt. I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only i have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat.”

She said of her living situation, “We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space.”

However, to her surprise, her mother told her that if she wanted her to babysit her newborn baby, she would charge her $20 per hour. And if she gets late in picking up her baby from her mom’s house, she would also have to pay late fees.

“She also said we must provide her with a car seat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house. She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she’s come in once, and I’ve lived with my partner for 5 years; she’s a 15min drive away).”

OP said that she wanted to save money to pay off her debt and eventually get a new bigger place for her family, so she didn’t want to pay her mom the amount of money she was demanding.

“I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule.”

At the end of her post on Reddit, she asked fellow Redditors if she was TA for asking her mom a favor. She also noted that her mom, 62, does nothing at home besides watching TV and cooking meals.

Her post on Reddit was responded to by a large number of people and the majority sided with the grandmother.

“YTA: sorry to be blunt and rude but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always go back to work you should of discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom,” one wrote.

“The mom is 64. She watches tv and cooks…because she’s retired!!!!! Childcare is a very demanding job,” a second chimed in.

“The audacity to neglect her mother’s time.”She doesn’t do anything” : CAUSE SHES 64!!! Doesn’t matter if her mom is an AH in general lol, but who in their right minds have a baby when you can’t afford bigger housing than a 1 bedroom?” someone commented.

“YTA.. you talk about your mom having spent x amount of years raising children in a way that implies that’s all she’s good for and her current life isn’t important, like, it’s a throwaway, so she may as well raise your kid for you for free. Dude…” another said.

Share Your Thoughts:

What are your thoughts on this OP’s story? Let us know in the comments.

Source: Reddit

  1. Your in debt in a tiny apt. Not married. Mom has no obligations to you at all. Babies cost a great deal. Should have thought of that before becoming pregnant. Not Moms responsibility. She is correct.

  2. It’s the expectation that is entitled but I understand following through with a pregnancy because the world today is not equal to how it was back when our parents raised us. I think there’s points on both sides. My mom offered to babysit my kid for free while I work for the summer so I can finish undergrad in the fall and have some money put away; my parents are in their 40’s though because they had me young and could survive on $$$ back then.
    I feel for you. She sounds quite ridiculous but understand why, at her age, she would want her free time too.

  3. I quit a job that I was making 55,000. a year to take care of my first grandchild. I took care of him for free for three years and I would never have charged my daughter. It was sometimes very hard but I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. He’s my little heartthrob. It sounds like your Mom doesn’t want to,so she’s making the price high so you will seek other care. She’s getting on up there in age and it could be really hard on her. As far as all these mean comments about not being prepared. Ignore the ignorant. No one knows your situation and shouldn’t judge you for it.

  4. I’m a grandmother and I feel the grandmother is the AH. I can see her asking for a few dollars per hour if needed or for accountability, but I love having my grandkid and would do what I needed to spend more time with them. Grandmother is lucky to live so close and will regret it later. I would find it karma is daughter quit letting her see her grand baby! Obviously, grandmother hasn’t thought thru all the things that can go wrong here. I support my child thru anything they need (obviously not criminal or illegal). My job wasn’t an 18 year commitment, I chose to have them. My 17 yo suffered a spinal stroke during basketball 5 years ago; I appreciate every moment, because you never know when it could be your or their last. Choosing to give birth 30 years ago, meant she was a mother forever, loving and accepting that child and her children. Regret is forever.

  5. A favor? Honey, childcare is a full time job. Entitled, mean, insensitive woman. Get that kid into daycare and see how that works for you. Eyeroll.

  6. I believe you should opt for daycare for your sake. $20 an hrs is ridiculous. I started babysitting first grandchild.. always free. 24 years later I am still babysitting but I am on to the great grandchildren. It’s hard at 72, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

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