The reason you keep choosing to date men who are just downright toxic and bad for you is because you think so lowly of yourself.
The focus of this piece isn’t going to be the men who have hurt you; the men have victimized you over and over again. These are the men who claim that they’re committed to you, but they are so quick to flirt with other women the moment that you turn away from them. These are the men who take forever to reply to your text messages and return your missed phone calls. These are the men who don’t take down their Tinder profiles even though they say that they’re exclusively dating you. These are the men who would put you through hell; the ones who would make you run marathons for them even when they wouldn’t even lift a finger for you. Enough about these men. They have caused enough damage. This isn’t going to be about them. They don’t deserve you and they never have. They aren’t worthy of you in any shape or form.
You are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that even though you could be the kindest, most loving, most caring, and gentlest person on the face of this earth, people aren’t always going to reciprocate your best behavior. In fact, there are just so many people out there who would be more than willing to prey on your kindness. They would be so quick to take advantage of you and abuse you in ways that are unbecoming of a human being. It doesn’t matter how great of a person you are you are never going to be able to control or predict how other people are going to behave towards you.
People only generally make a change in their lives whenever they decide to do so. It has to be an intrinsic kind of motivation. There are no external forces strong enough to compel a person into changing their fundamental core principles. In simple terms, it’s virtually impossible for you to love a bad man so much to the point that it’s going to turn him good. There are no romantic words or tools that you can use to get him to love you the way that you want him to if he’s not interested in doing so. You can try all the techniques in the book but you’re never going to succeed if his heart is not really in it. But that’s not really what matters. The real question is why you would subject yourself to such treatment and behavior from a man who just isn’t worthy of it?
As much as we want to paint these men as the bad guys (and they are, no doubt about it), some of the blame has to go to us as well. You are the one who is tolerating his behavior. Yes, you are the victim in this situation and victim-shaming is just wrong. But what’s even more wrong is when you continuously allow yourself to play the victim role over and over again. It gets to a point wherein it’s a choice and you really have to just make the decision to just stop being the victim. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and demand for the treatment that you deserve. You are in full control in your life. You get a say in whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with these kinds of men. You have the choice to walk away.
Yes, he’s probably compelling and coercing you to stay with him. But ultimately, the freedom to walk away is still yours. You still get to choose whether or not you will tolerate getting hurt all the time at the hands of the same man. Why do you do it? Do you even know the answer? You probably don’t. Here’s the answer and you’re probably not going to like it.
You stick with these kinds of men because these men are direct reflections of how you see yourself as an individual. The reason you keep choosing to date men who are just downright toxic and bad for you is because you think so lowly of yourself. You think that these are the only kinds of men you deserve to be with because you don’t really think that you are great enough of a person to be with anyone better. You lack the kind of self-confidence that one needs to actually pursue the things that they want or deserve. You lack the courage to look at yourself and everything around you and say that enough is enough. You lack the resolve to just rid yourself of the shackles that you set for yourself; the chains that you locked yourself in. Once you make a choice to see yourself as an amazing person who is worthy of a better kind of love, then that’s when you will stop settling for men who just aren’t worthy of you.