There are so many relationships on the face of this earth that struggle with insecurity. Oftentimes, relationships can crumble as a result of two people being too insecure about each other’s place in the relationship. The trouble with insecurity is that it can often create a very toxic and negative relationship environment.
That is why two people in a relationship must always be making it a point to talk about each other’s insecurities – and they must both take actual steps in addressing these insecurities as well. However, you also need to be able to strike that proper balance in your relationship. You want to be able to do everything possible in your relationship to ease your partner’s insecurities. But you never want to allow them to just control and dictate how you should be conducting yourself in the relationship either. You are both going to have to find some middle ground in that respect.
A lot of the time, when couples argue about these things, it can span a wide array of subjects and topics. And that can be really frustrating because the vastness of the problem can seem so overwhelming but the lack of focus is keeping you from solving anything. But mostly, insecurity in a relationship arises from a place of fear.
And it’s usually the fear of loss. You can become very insecure about your place in the relationship when you actually fear that your partner is slipping away from you; when you fear that your partner is getting closer to another person. And this insecurity can breed a sense of anxiety and nervousness in you whenever they start to discuss another workmate, a new friend, or something like that. You are scared at the idea of your partner having other people in their lives because, in your mind, they are threats to your relationship – and your insecurities won’t allow you to think otherwise.
To go along with working on making sure that your insecurities don’t get the best of you or the relationship, you have to do everything possible to approach solving this issue maturely. You can’t see this as a kind of insult. Rather, it’s an issue that you desperately need to be able to work through for the sake of your relationship. You can’t just choose to ignore it in the hopes that it eventually goes away on its own. You just actually have to commit yourself to develop a new mindset and philosophy on things – a healthy one. And remember that your partner is going to be there to help you throughout the process as well.
And given everything that has been discussed here already, it might be difficult for you to fathom the idea of having a relationship with more than just two people involved. But you might be surprised to know that this kind of arrangement can actually work out for some people. And that’s going to be the topic of this particular article.
Cait, Matt, and Chris are three people who happen to be in a polyamorous relationship together. They often like to refer to themselves as a “throuple”. Chris and Matt are both married and they had been together for 6 years before they made the decision to actually open up to the relationship. Chris had actually been experienced in heterosexual relationships before he got tied down with Matt. However, Matt needed a little more convincing because he had never been in a heterosexual relationship in his life.
“At first Matt was completely opposed to the idea but after a while, we talked about it and he warmed up to it,” Chris had exclaimed. “The three of us started to spend more and more time together and after about seven or eight months she was staying over five nights a week”. And now, Cait, Matt, and Chris all live together in the same apartment as they build their lives with one another.
Cait and Chris both identify to being bisexual but Matt is different. “I’m homoflexible so I like guys and I’m open, flexible to women – I prefer men,” he explained. “I guess I had an awakening after I had a sexual experience with a woman. It is just another body, another soul, a connection that I can have”
It definitely hasn’t always been easy though. Like many other kinds of relationships, this kind of arrangement carries with it its fair share of problems as well.
As Cait says:
“When we first got together I was struggling with the jealousy. With having a very strong connection with Chris and sometimes feeling frustrated that I would have to split time with Matt. But with a lot of that came a lot of insecurity, because I didn’t know where my place was in the relationship”