Every couple needs financial transparency with each other long before they decide to marry – it is one of the most vital parts of a healthy relationship. When finances aren’t managed, things can go incredibly wrong.
Such is the case with today’s Reddit post where a wife had to go through an ordeal because of her husband and his family.
“Title sound bad I know but I’ll let you decide who’s in the wrong.”
“To begin, My husband and I don’t share finances, it’s been like this for the 3 years of our marriage and so far we’ve been doing well, though he’d sometimes try to get me to pay for him but I do it only when I want to do a nice thing for him, say invite him to a restaurant.”
“This past week, he got a bonus at work, he was overjoyed he informed his entire family and planned for them to go out and celebrate with us. He picked the restaurant, meals, drinks etc, I naturally thought he was going to pay for all that since, it’s his happy celebration. But it turns out I was wrong because when it was time to pay the bill, he told me to “take care of it” I said why? It’s his celebration not mine but he insisted I pay and he’ll explain later. I refused and demanded an explanation, he said that while yes he is the one who got bonus, but he assumed I’d want to celebrate that and offer to cover the bill. when I talked about how ridiculous it was of him to assume I’d pay for not just his, but his family’s meals he said that I should be happy for him instead of being visibly bitter. He then said he’s yet to receive his bonus and begged that I take care of the bill now and he “might” consider paying me back later. I refused and only paid for what I consumed. Him and his family started talking about how inappropriate I was acting, I took my purse and went home afterwards cause there was so much commotion when they started arguing who’s going to cover the bill.”
“His mom spam called me for hours, and he went off on me at home saying I spoiled his celebration and joy because I’m feeling bitter, especially considering I had enough money to cover the bill right there and then. I said this wasn’t my obligation and he was the one who came up with the celebration idea. He argued that if the roles were reversed and I got a bonus, he’d celebrate me and my achievements and pay for the “damn” meals after taking me and my family out. I casually said “well, that’s just you not me”. He got even more pissed and said that he had had it with my juvenile antics and that he won’t ever forget the scene I made at the restaurant infront of his family. Been upset with me for days now.”
After receiving tremendous support, she updated her post.
“Update: Wow! too many responses here you guys and I’m seeing a variety of judgements! Just so you know my husband just got home and I’m going to show him these responses right now. I’ll update with his opinion soon. Thanks.”
“Update: We just got into an argument. I showed him what I posted and he lost it on me, I accept my judgment but he won’t, he said..and I quote “these people have no idea” and said that I should’ve mentioned that I make more money than him (not that much and I don’t think it justifies it) and that he had paid the bill for me in the past when I forgot my wallet but I did pay him back so, He’s pretty pissed right though he kept laughing sarcastically when reading some of the comments, he just walked out of the kitchen to take a phone call and said he’ll be back. I’m still here with the dog waiting to see how this goes. I’ll update if there’s any new info.”
Reddit’s community fully supported this woman for doing what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
“NTA. It’s common knowledge that you do not invite people to dinner and then expect them to pay for everyone else. You don’t trap your spouse in awkward situations like that, either.”
“He said the celebration was for his bonus. He invited everyone to eat out. Both if these, especially combined, imply that he’s going to pay. He purposely set you up, and then he got his family in on it.”
“He’s using you, to the point where I would argue that this is financial abuse, especially since he’s done things like this before. I would take a careful look at this relationship and see if it’s going to work. I would insist on couples counseling if I were you. Counseling, at the very least.”
“I think you two have bigger issues here that should’ve been dealt with before you got married.”
“NTA. You guys have separate finances, he didn’t ask you beforehand. This was wildly tacky and presumptuous of him.”
“The ‘maybe I’ll pay you back’ really sealed it for me. What a tool”
This post has over 3000 comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this wife’s situation? Share your take in the comments below.