We’ve always shared our views on how essential in-laws are in every marriage. They hold a very respectable and vital position where it’s in their hands to make sure the children’s marriage stays healthy and happy. Sadly, stories of unfavorable in-laws massively overshadow the good ones – where in-laws work towards weakening and destroying marriages.
Such is today’s story where the in-laws are trying to keep a distance between their son’s wife. Reddit user restaurantcrasher shared her heartbreaking story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?), asking whether she did the right or not. She wrote:
“I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years. We dated for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas.”
“My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time. I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.”
“When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me ‘I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.’ When I expressed that I wanted to come, he told me that it would be for the best if I didn’t. It has caused several fights.”
“About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him.”
“I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant.”
“My mother in law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.”
“My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an a**hole I had been. I said that he was an a**hole for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it.”
“Anyway, with the way the word a**hole was thrown around, it made me think of this sub. So I wanted to ask if I am the a**hole. Am I?”
The Responses
Just by reading her gut-wrenching post, you can already guess where Reddit’s community would stand – everyone wholeheartedly supported her for what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:
pretzelwhale commented:
“Wtf. Your husband and his family are all a**holes”
EggandSpoon42 responded:
“NTA. What the f***?”
“Honestly, I would divorce. Straight to divorce. Your husband’s behavior is past the point of no return.”
CalmFront7908 wrote:
“Yes, normally you can work stuff out, but they didn’t even seem embarrassed. MIL said it was rude to interrupt the family dinner??? Wtf. I’m divorced. Yesterday.”
This post has garnered over 4000 comments at the time of writing this post; you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
We feel for this wife and what she’s going through – having such bad in-laws can make anyone’s heart shatter into pieces. NTA, she didn’t do anything wrong. And we hope she finds someone who can cherish her and keep her happy.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this woman’s story? Share your take in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
Divorce the rat. Obviously you and your feelings aren’t important to him. Oh, btw, I’d give the snooty mother in law a shower in her drink, then her n*tless little boy.
I believe that there is way more to the story than wifey is telling us. I don’t agree with the husband he definitely needs to go live with his parents because he is still a child but wife isn’t telling why she isn’t invited and by inviting herself said she’s irrational and vindictive.
NTA You’re husband is the @$$! To not invite you to the “family” dinner when all other so’s are invited is saying you’re not considered family. Rude & disrespectful on his part. Leave. Run. You deserve better.
Get a divorce…like yesterday. Family Dinner. You’re married, you are family. Brothers gf invited and not you…RUN!!! And the fact that he thinks you’re the aHole and not his mother is 🚩🚩🚩
Obviously, she was not wanted by her husband and his family. I would exit that relationship fast!!! Divorce.
I think she’s not telling the whole story. Why they (incluiding her husband) don’t want her to join them for dinner? There might be a reason beyond that and maybe is not that they simply don’t like her.
Feel free to join me for dinner… tell them to f… off!
Really? He thinks you’re the a**hole! I would say you need to be treated as fairly as everyone else. And if they can’t respect your feelings then I think I would find someone else. That’s a very big sign of a toxic relationship with his family. It sounds like they have zero respect.
Yep.
It’s against her civil rights to say she can’t even go to a restaurant just because they are in it.
I’d be thinking they are setting him up with an ex like my in-laws did for Thanksgiving.
Years later I found out she got pregnant.
No one told us..
.
My daughter brings home a guy she had been living with for months and her shocked father didn’t approve because he believes it’s his son.
But they were already in love and she was pregnant.
….
Film industry is shocked by behavior of Will Smith while they saturate my television with discusting sex and violence.? SMH…I love will smith
You husband Is the a**hole. This clearly shows his family doesn’tikw you and he is okay with their behavior towards you
The whole family doesn’t seem to respect this woman at all. She is an outsider and that is not a healthy marriage
Omg. Seems like the husbands lack of respect to include his wife as apart of his family is truly the problem. It’s absolutely disgusting. Why dose he’s allow this to happen? If he was truly her husband he would insist she’s hose and if they family had a problem then they both don’t go. It’s one thing to have no respect from the I laws but an open disrespect and disregard meant with fights and anger from your husband is absolutely disgusting. I’m curious to know what he’s angle here? He knows it hurts you. What in hell. What a manipulative game his started. F*** what the in laws think the true issue is with your husband. He’s outright cruel!!!
Even though I understand the point of all of this, I feel bad for her for allowing herself to indulge in the chaos and negativity. If after conversing with her husband about the situation is not resolved to her satisfaction then her as an individual should decide if that’s a dealbreaker in their marriage or not. If it is then let’s get to Steppin, if it’s not a dealbreaker then she needs to decide to except it that she’s not going to always be invited. But living in that negative headspace is only going to manifest future problems with a snowball effect. Just my opinion
A family that does not welcome you to all family events is not your family. A wife and husband are to always be at one another’s side.
For me if they are rude i wouldnt go even if they invite me
Honey you don’t need these people in your life. They will only continue to try and bring you down. Be the better person and move on. They are not worth you being hurt.
Yes it’s a feeling that leaves you wondering if he is worth the fight !! I myself not married but in the same situation been with my guy for 3 years and I too get the same treatment I’m labeled as the crazy woman !! And my fiancée is 44 and he has a younger brother 41 who is single never had a relationship because his parents will not allow him too . My fiancé has a daughter 14 to a marriage that was prepared that was controlled my the mother but this all turned pair shaped . His mother has taken control of his daughter and says her has is the kingdom and he can only see his daughter at her house .. she never invites me and my partners ex wife is always invited to dinner, Xmas , Easter ect.. I’m never welcomed .. yes he too can be a beautiful man but he sometimes has her ways and makes you feel like a convience , house maid . It’s really hurtful feeling .
I feel like there could be something missing from this story. Why would you not be invited? Was there a falling out or tension between a particular family member? At any rate, and in any possible case, your husband should sit out on dinners where significant others besides yourself can attend. It’s problematic all around.
This guy really needs to grow a pair and explain to this miserable mom of his that in order to see him and have him in her life, his wife comes to every function
Since I have lived this little chapter myself only with a daughter and x wife, I can tell you he won’t change
GET OUT NOW BEFORE YOU WASTE ANOTHER SECOND WITH A GROUP OF DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLES. THE HUSBAND LEARNED THIS DISRESPECT AND DISHONOR FROM A PRO. MOMMA RULES THE FAMILY TO THEIR DETRIMENT
GET OUT NOW!!!
U r the party of the family already! That’s on him! He should have stood up and said if u r not going, he is not going either!
That was very rude of his family not to include you. I think he maybe sits that one out since it seems to be a frequent occurrence. In hindsight, it is better than they just tolerating you just to get near him. My inlaws tolerated me right up until planning his funeral and never acknowledged our marriage or children. They didn’t sit with us at the funeral or repass and I haven’t heard a word from them since. I was also uninvited to the family reunion that had been planned 2yrs prior at the last minute. I was just devastated like he had died all over again.. I lost what I thought was a whole extended family after 30yrs of marriage and our son has been treated with total indifference also. I don’t know how they sit in church and bible study ever or ritual basis.
Her husband is a pu**y whipped mamas boy. Divorce his a** and find a real man
I think she has a terrible, insensitive, self righteous, husband and I wouldn’t stay with him another day and I would not leave the house but he would and he would make the payments. Apparently, he thinks more his family than he does his wife.
The husband was in the wrong for not standing by his wife. He should have refused dinner with the family if his wife wasn’t invited. I think the wife was very brave to have dinner in the sane restaurant with these extremely rude people. She needs to divorce this man as he clearly doesn’t respect her and allows such terrible treatment by his family..
THEY ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY! RUN! THEY ARE THE A**HOLES! HOW COULD YOUR HUSBAND TAKE IT IN THAT HE AGREED THAT HIS WIFE NOT INVITED IN A SO CALLED “FAMILY DINNER”. DIVORCE HIM! AND LET HIM READ ALL THE COMMENTS HERE!
Divorce. Because if he’s like this after three years of marriage what’s he going to be like after 5, 8 or ten years. Clearly mummy dearest still has him tied to her with apron strings. You’ll never cut those, so cut free. Divorce on grounds of incompatibility and emotional abuse, sue for everything and anything. Mum in law will be disgusted at that but hell you’ll be free to actually live and find someone with a heart for you, not tied to mummy.
You deserve better.
The decision to invite husband says is between him and his family? What does that say about him? Why wouldn’t he want his wife there? Nope, I’d be packing my sh@t, and I’d be out of there. Divorce papers will be in the mail.
Firstly I’d want answers as to why I wasn’t invited to these family get togethers, sounds like something to do with the husband and MIL to me.
If they can’t give you an honest answer then chuck him out n file for divorce n get him done for mental abuse, it’s a form of domestic violence, he’s blaming you when you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m sure this isn’t the first time either.
Don’t go to any more dinners that you are invited to! Leave them tho their dis functional control party! Your husband saying that you should sit this one out, pft I’d be saying this to him about our relationship ….he can sit this one out!
Obviously his family have no manners, are rude, insensitive and have little in the way of warmth.
I really hope that you find peace and can move on and out this circus of a family behind you
His crap would be packed outside the door and my appointment with my attorney would be at 9am next day.Bible on that!!!
I felt so sad reading this. He should have told his family to stiff it if his wife can’t come aswell. I would divorce him as he is not being a supportive husband. Why does he even join them when his wife is not allowed. That man needs to grow a pair. Lady best you leave cause his actions shows exactly what he thinks of you. Sweet nothing.
Leave
i wouldnt go to any dinners at all because knowing everyone is invited but you..because knowing they dont like you it would be difficult to even be around them….to even say you were rude for interrupting them shows she is controlling and doesnt like you and hubby didnt care to back you up is saying he doesnt respect you .i would make excuses up when they do decide to invite you on those rare occasions ….i would also seriously think of leaving him….one thing i would do is the next dinner they have come home and get dressed upin something that really shows off your curves and makes you look fabulous and when he says dont bother getting dressed up you arent invited…you say i wasnt planning on going out with you im invited to dinner with friends…say see you later and leave …i would come back after he leaves and then leave a bit before he normally would get home and then show up about a hour later…dont answer any texts he sends say phone was in my purse…and then pretend you had a great time ….bet he wont like that especially if it happens everytime he goes with family…teach the ass a lesson..?
First and foremost, I am sorry that this happened to you. Consider this, if he so casually leaves you at home for family dinner night, what else is he leaving you out of? Just a thought.
Listen, your husband sets the tone on how others view you. Unless there has been issues beforehand, he needs to stand FOR you and also stand up to his family. If he is not able to do this, then he most likely won’t stand by you on other occasions. You two are partners and need to stand by each other. Talk it out on how it makes you feel and hopefully there is some compromise and resolution.
My wife would fit into this category. Will never say anything good on my behalf.