As we’ve said multiple times before – in-laws are supposed to strengthen the family rather than make them weaker. But sadly, the world is full of negative stories about stories. Today’s Reddit story is about such a mother-in-law.
“Situation is pretty…frustrating to say the least. But let’s start with some context.”
“So, My husband and I have a 13 year/old daughter. She plays piano and has participated in several plays in and outside of school. Now here’s the thing, my husband invites his mom to every performance our daughter has. not saying he shouldn’t – BUT many times she’d put my daughter down and point out where she ‘messed up’ and what she needed to work on (Hello? she’s not even an expert in this). This happens every time! My daughter has picked up on these negative comments and her self esteem kept getting low and by extension, her performance kept getting low as well. I told my husband his mom needs to either stop putting our daughter down or stop coming to her plays. he said his mom is the grandmother and should be included in these events as ‘support’.”
“Our daughter had a performance this past wednesday, I told my husband that his mom can sit this one out BUT he said it was too late because he sent her a link of the date and location of the event. I sighed and said nothing.”
“His mom arrived like – 20 minutes later, sat next to him and kept pulling him close while whispering in his ear. I just rolled my eyes, hard. Once the play was over and after we got a chance to see our daughter who looked nervous and shaking – mother in law looked at her and said ‘let me just say that today’s performance was disappointing’. my daughter was in shock and I was floored completely. My daughter started crying then rushed away. Mother in law then casually said ‘oh I have to go now , I have an appointment with the salon for Chloe’s (her other granddaughter) birthday party’. I was fuming I told her what she said to my daughter was not okay and that she made her upset. She said something along the line of ‘just telling it how it is’ then left. We went home and I lost it on my husband telling him his mom just keeps putting our daughter down and it’s not right!!! he said I’m being overdramatic and what his mom’s doing is just constructive criticism. I told him from now on he needs to stop inviting her to our daughter’s performances. He said I was being ridiculous and that I shouldn’t expect his mom to be excluded from her granddaughter’s life like that. we had a big argument and now my daughter isn’t even interested in playing anymore, my husband said I was way out of line and shouldn’t use our daughter in my fight with his mom. he also called me controlling and vicious.”
Her post became viral and received a lot of responses. She decided to update it with more context:
“ETA:: [ since this took off and people are asking more questions I’d like to add some context in bulletpoint form]”
- “ My mother in law and I don’t talk due to past disagreements.”
- “ Mother in law is “uncomfortable” with the concept of playing piano, and thinks that my daughter is wasting time and getting distracted with zero benefits since she and my husband want her to become a doctor (my daughter doesn’t wanna be a doctor but that’s an argument for another time).”
- “ Mother in law thinks I’m wasting my husband’s money because I enrolled my daughter in piano classes (have been since she was 9).”
- “ My husband told me he’ll keep inviting his mom over and over and over again til I learn to stop using our daughter as a tool to fight his mom with (believe me, I’m not).”
Reddit’s community completely supported this woman for what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
“Remove your husband from receiving the Information on your daughter’s activities.”
“He is the same as his mother. He doesn’t see anything wrong because that was how he was raised, and I’m willing to bet her other granddaughter she was going to see is the daughter of your husband’s golden child sibling”
“Next time your husband does anything, I mean put a dish in the sink, goes into the bathroom, gets out of the car, tell him each time he is doing it wrong and a disappointment.”
“But honestly I would refuse to be in a marriage where my husband thinks nothing of how his daughter is treated. I would not want my daughter around tbat and at 13 your kid is able to voice who she wants to be around.”
“NTA.. I would really consider a divorce from this man, he clearly is a bad husband and even worse father.”
“Do whatever you can to get her away from both of them, because it isn’t going to get any better.”
“NTA. Here’s a tip: if you give someone criticism and they run away crying, it’s not freaking constructive criticism. I’m so sorry about your daughter. See if you can get other adults to praise her to build her self-esteem back up.”
“Your MIL is cruel, and your husband is a jerk for siding with his mother over his own daughter.”
This post garnered over 3000 comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
NTA. This wife and mother did nothing wrong – her husband has a lot of toxic traits and doesn’t sound supportive at all. It’s his duty to talk to his mother about her behavior and not support it.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this woman’s situation? Let us know in the comments below.