Babies are precious gifts of life – they should be cherished and cared for, loved beyond comprehension. Those of us who are gifted with babies are truly lucky. But, sadly, there are a lot of people in this world who aren’t happy with having babies unless they complete their “specific requirements.”
Such is the heartbreaking story of a woman, throwaway6779770, who had a baby girl while her in-laws wanted a boy. She shared her story on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to ask whether she was right or wrong for walking out of a baby shower her in-laws arranged for her.
She wrote:
The situation is kind of a mess.
“I (f27) am expecting my first baby with my husband. This is the first grandchild in the family (InLaws) and they said that if the baby’s a boy then we’ll give him my father InLaw’s name (he’s dead due to cancer). I had no problem with that.”
“This happened before we found out the gender of the baby – my husband and his family had me ‘do things’ like attend prayers and do other rituals before the reveal at the drs. I didn’t like that but went with it to keep the peace.”
“Dr appointment came, and it turned out to be a girl. My husband cried in the car then turned his phone off to hide from his family then finally told them. His mom and the others made their frustration & disappointment clear which bothered me cause my daughter deserves to be celebrated but, they ghosted me for days then started coming over & visiting constantly referring to my daughter as my son claiming the results were false and basically pretending it’s a boy. I had several fights with them after they refused to stop it, and my husband sided with them despite seeing how wrong and unreasonable what they were doing was. We didn’t speak for a while”
“Sister InLaw called to apologize then inform me she arranged for a babyshower for me. I was so excited and happy. But when I arrived I saw blue balloons, blue cake with Father InLaw’s name/decorations around. I was so confused I had to sit down. Sister InLaw explained they were ‘still’ hoping the gender results are false and it’s a boy. I looked at my husband and he agreed with her. I lost my temper and yelled at them all calling them delusionals and telling them to stop treating my daughter like she’s unwanted and act like she doesn’t exist by throwing a party for ‘their imaginary grandson’. mother InLaw break down crying, I took my bag and walked out immediately.”
“They started yelling and my husband followed me outside and started arguing about how I insulted his family, and his dads memory by acting like that. I told him to wake up and see the insanity in his family’s behavior. He said they needed time to process the fact that it’s a girl not a boy as they expected and insisted I play along and ‘they’ll soon get over it’. I said absolutely not and demanded he take me home, he said no so I called an Uber and left. He was fuming he called 15 times, then texted that he won’t be coming home til I ‘get my a**’ over and apologize for ruining everything THEY’VE DONE FOR ME and accusing them of being mentally unstable. I haven’t responded yet he’s constantly pressuring me to get right with his family before we even talk about anything else.”
The Responses
By merely reading this heartbreaking story, you can probably already see where this is going. Reddit’s community fully supported this woman for holding her ground. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best responses:
Adahla987 wrote:
“So…. you already know how your daughter is going to be treated in this family.”
“Time to take a nice hard look at how your life between now and when you die will be and what your daughters life will be like and make some hard decisions.”
“NTA”
Nt_A_Chnc commented:
“NTA. You need to actually divorce this man. And when your daughter comes maybe you will be able to get him to sign away his parental rights. This is totally sick and you are totally spot on. The way your husband is feeding into this madness raises all sorts of red flags in me. I can see this family ignoring your daughter when she gets here and making her feel like she’s not enough because she is an a boy. I have seen that happen and it’s sick. Congratulations on your baby girl and I hope this works out in the way that is happy and healthy for the both of you.”
zelonhusk gave some sound advice about boundaries:
“NTA”
“But let’s be clear. It is evident you are very good at ignoring red flags: They told you what to name your kid and you were fine with it? They made you practice all sorts of rituals and you just went along?”
“Girl, you need to set your boundaries.”
happybanana134 chimed in:
“NTA. You sure you want this lot in your life? I can’t imagine how they’ll act towards your daughter and the pressure you’re going to be under to have a second child.”
This post has almost 4000 comments on at the time of writing this article, you can read them all on Reddit here.
Our Take
NTA. This woman’s story definitely sounds like a scene from a horror movie. We truly hope she finds peace and happiness with a family who doesn’t have so many obnoxious preconceived notions about everything.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this woman’s situation? Let us know in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
A husband should support his wife OVER his birth family, especially when she’s pregnant. The fact that he’s not does not show him in a good light and I’m afraid that you are in for a world of hurt and pain if you stay married to him. Unless you both are up for some therapy, and he shows willingness to change, you are better off raising your daughter alone. At least she will know acceptance and love.
I say get a lawyer. Get out of this marriage.
Lady – leave your husband – he should be supporting you and standing up to his family, as you and your daughter are his family. I wouldn’t tolerate that on no means – I agree with what people are saying that if he and his family are in your life and daughters she won’t be treated nicely. It doesn’t matter what gender the child is as long as its healthy.
RED FLAGS – LEAVE
If I was this poor lady i would divorce my husband if he couldn’t except that we were having a girl instead of a boy, the family are going to ignore the sweet girl once she is born and if she does ever get pregnant again and the next baby is a boy the little girl won’t understand why her brother is loved more then she is please get out now for the sake of your daughter
This sounds cultural however in our free world this is insane behaviour by that family and the husband is never going to change run don’t walk and celebrate that beautiful baby girl!
NTA!! I say this as I come from a father who wanted another boy (I am his only daughter) you need to protect your daughter from him and his family! I have spent 45 years feeling less than and inferior to my brothers because of my father! I finally realized about 6 months ago that I will never be enough for my father and have essentially cut off all ties with him, I haven’t seen or talked to him though I imagine I will see him at family functions in the future maybe. I still have some days where I wonder if “only I had been born a boy” my dad would love me, but I spend more days realizing that I am just who I need to be and he’s the one missing out! Save your baby girl from these feelings at all costs!
She needs to nip it in the bud and make him leave, he can go back to his mother and family. The bloke decides the sex of the baby not the woman. So if its a blame game it’s his fault for his sperms not carrying the right sex gene to the egg that produced the baby. I think a bit of biology would not go a mis.
Myself and one other of the grandchildren were girls. They treated my girl cousin like a princess. Then when I was born it was like my mother (their DIL) wasn’t allowed to have a girl. How dare she! They got over it by the time my younger sister was born, 11 years later.
When are men going to learn that they and they alone determine the sex of the child. Female is XX. Male is XY. If the Y survives, it’s a boy. If the Y dies, the X wins and you have a girl.
I’m normally not for divorce but this situation calls for it. The husband doesn’t want a girl, HIS family doesn’t want a girl. Who knows what will happen to that child once she’s born. Will he physically abuse her? Will his family do the same? Mental abuse? Will the husband physically abuse his wife out of anger for not “giving” him a boy? The mom to be should head for divorce court, move in with her parents and, when filling out the birth certificate for the father category, just say unknown or leave blank. He doesn’t deserve credit.
This is the best comment and 💯 best advice let’s hope she sees this
Well, I would say you’re NTA. . . why? . . . because, while the woman’s eggs will give some genetic determinations and imprints, biological/medical science determined many, many years ago that it is the HUSBAND’S/MAN’S sperm that decides what gender the baby will be!!! Soooooo, if they’re all going to be angry with someone for the fact of the baby’s gender, it should be him because it’s HIS sperm that determines the gender of the baby, NOT genetic info from her egg! (They really should NOT be angry with anyone any way because he cannot control which of his sperm will reach her egg first to cause conception, but it IS HIS genetic contributions within HIS sperm that determines the gender therefore if they want to be angry with someone, it should be him, not her.). Both he and every one of his family members doing this to her do very much owe her an apology. Girls are important in this world too. I’m a “girl”, I have an important role in this world and so does EVERY “GIRL” born on this planet!
Leave the husband or else your daughter will be soon miserable with insane family…
If your husband is taking their side.. I’d say bye bye.. or he needs to stand up for you and his daughter. Not them! Maybe separate until baby comes. You don’t need this madness. Not good for pregnancy. Maybe he will find that he is wrong. His family is a lot of coo coo. This is a joy time!
I wouldn’t apologize, they are wrong not you. Your husband should be standing up for you and his daughter. He is a disgusting human being. What kind of father doesn’t stand up for his child. They owe you and your husband owes you big time. If i were you i would ask him not to come back or i would leave him. This child is a girl not a bpy. They way they are acting is disgusting and mental.
Run from this family and husband. Start a new life
They are Rude–It’s there first and as Long that baby is Healthy it what counts–The Husband should had step-up shame on him.
Even if yhe baby is not healthy, she should not be treated like that. That child deserves to come into a film where she is loved and adored and this family is definitely not it.
If u don’t get divorce you won’t be a good mum. Mums protect their children so get as far away from these psychos as possible.
Never let anyone devalue or undermine your daughter or you.
Lead my example for your daughter
This is the most insane thing i have ever heard. In all honesty, i will be divorcing that man’s ass if they don’t get their shit right. Protect your daughter with your life. That family do not deserve her.
Sounds like they wanted the father in law to be reincarnated through her womb.
The baby’s sex is determined from the father’s DNA. A woman has XX Chromosomes. They male is XY. How ignorant is the father to know basic biology?
Run. I am willing to bet there have been many red flags well before you got pregnant. Even if you don’t care how they treat you, your daughter does not deserve to be born into this level of toxicity. Run.
Honey run, don’t look bad. Get as far away from this family as possible. If you have a husband that doesn’t side with you now, it will never happen. Take it from experience; the only difference I was dumb and didn’t head the red flags and had no one to tell me. A child is a gift from God. I know the man controls the sex, but ultimately God had his hands in this. No child should be subjected to such abuse from what should be a joyous time. Congratulations on such a wonderful blessing.