Families are supposed to be there for each other. Our parents help us grow, teach us the ways of the world, and protect us from the negativities of society. Sadly, a lot of bad family stories happen every day. Such is today’s story of a woman who was disowned by her family 9 years ago.
The Story
Reddit user, Born-Problem-8280, shared her painful story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) where she asked the community whether she did the right thing by not supporting her parents when they disowned her in the first place. She wrote:
“I (28F) was raised by super religious parents. It was a fight to be able to go to a normal college and not a Christian one with weird rules. When I did that they said they will not be paying for my schooling until I ‘come back to the right path'”
“After struggling for a couple of months a friend told me that the str*p club she was working at was hiring. I have been dancing my whole life and have a good figure so I was hired pretty fast.”
“A few months in I dropped out of college because I was making serious money ( about $3k for a bad week and up to $11k for a really good one). When my parents found out they disowned me. The same goes for all of my extended family except for 2 cousins.”
“Fast forward 9 years, I own my house outright, a Tesla, don’t have debt, I also own an apartment building that I rent (str*pping has a short lifespan) and investments.”
“Now my parents contacted me. Apparently my father lost his business during COVID, my mom has always being a SHM, they declared bankruptcy and are really struggling (they live in an old camper). Also apparently my mom is diabetic now and my dad has always had heart problems. They wanted my help.”
“I said no, I don’t have parents anymore. And furthermore according to their religion and church my money was earned while sinning so to use it is to damn your soul to hell and I really didn’t want that for them. My mom started crying and my dad said that they didn’t know where they went wrong with me.”
“That was the last of it from them, a couple aunts and uncles called but they changed their ‘family helps family’ tune very fast when I asked why they weren’t helping them themselves.”
“But now a couple of weeks later I am starting to feel like I was an AH to them. Because a month’s income from str*pping would make a really big change for them but I won’t even miss it that bad.”
“So AITA?”
The Responses
Reddit’s community completely supported this woman for what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:
InShapeTrucker said:
“NTA. They disowned you. And now they’re only contacting you because they need help. No to make amends for their horrific actions. And you’re absolutely right. If the rest of the family lived true to their words they used to guilt you, your parents would have help and a place to stay in a heartbeat. They’re hypocrites. They all need to apologize first and repair the relationship (if that’s even possible) before any help is considered.”
thirdtryisthecharm wrote:
“NTA”
“Though in your case I’d be tempted to send a month’s income with a note that says ‘This is thanks for the good time in my childhood. But you disowned me, so do not contact me ever again regarding money – this is a one time gift.’ That both resolves any mixed feelings you have, and makes you the bigger person. But to be clear, you don’t owe them the money – it’s about what you want to do.”
Ok_Butterscotch_2054 commented:
“NTA, I mean they didn’t even apologize and they are expecting you to just take care of them like they were the world’s best parents?”
“Now on the other hand if a month’s income can give you peace of mind then go ahead, count it as charity and get the good karma.”
MadamMarshmallows chimed in:
“NTA. They don’t get to say ‘YOUR MONEY IS SINFUL, YOU’RE NOT OUR DAUGHTER!’ and then come begging for a handout almost a decade later when their finances are f****ed. You can’t have it both ways, parents. They decided religion was more important than their child, and they can continue living with that decision.”
azsue123 replied:
“NTA.”
“If you want, donate money to help others who aren’t complete AHs.”
“In the end, you’re not the AH either way”
“If you decide to help them, do it for yourself, not anyone else. It’s ok to not help or to help. Just don’t expect their attitude to change, nor for them to be grateful.”
This post has over 1800 comments at the time of writing this article, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
NTA. We feel for this woman, we can’t even imagine the trauma she went through when he parents disowned her. She didn’t do anything wrong and we hope she finds happiness and peace in her life – she deserves it!
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this woman’s situation? Talk to us in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
Nta
If they don’t apologize for disowning then don’t gift them money cuz technically by their own words you’re no family of theirs.
I would help. They gave me life and a childhood. I hurt them with my decisions too despite religion. It doesn’t say if they tried to make any amends after she stopped stripping.
I totally agree with Cindy. I think I would do it for myself so later in life I would know that I helped them and I was the better person. Its too bad they judged you, but that’s their Karma.
Why is their church not helping them?
Your parents are not going to live for ever. One day they will die in future due to poverty or bad health.
So, you do what you want to do – to help or not help. It depends on you what you like to remember when you are old. It depends what makes you peaceful and happy later.
Dont expect them to change their strong religious inclination or any apology. If you like you may help them one time and final without any strings attached.
After all you have grown up with them. Forgiving is more powerful and peaceful than taking revenge. Forgiving gives more peace than taking revenge. Its just my opinion.
Your answer, I think, is the best answer/recommendation!!
I think she has the right to think like that, but doing that, is actually doing the same thing the parents did. She gas the money, just help them out. Just let them see you’re a better person than they were.
A good point! She will be the bigger person. I’d say all I wanted to on paper, give them some cash to help. Then not contact them again. If they’ve really changed,let them make inroads to prove it, not keep accepting her cash. It’s a chance they will do the right thing…or not. That’s their choice .just my penny’s worth but I feel it’s fair.
Just give them a little to get by then tell them it’s a one of..and not to go knocking on your door
A friend who had verbally abusive parents during childhood who later disowned her due to taking one child’s side over another… when she asked a Rabbi “do I have to HONOR my parents” the answer was IF they walk into a room & there are no empty chairs, you do not have to speak to them, but you need to get up to give them your chair, then leave the room if you choose.” When asked why, the answer was “because without your parents you would not have your life. You would never have been born.” So my take on your situation is this: When you were helpless & needed to be housed, fed & clothed, your parents were there for you with support from infancy til you were college age, without any cost to you. Then you were forced to take care of yourself any way you could. It is true that disowning you was a very hurtful act which speaks to their character. How YOU RESPOND speaks to YOUR CHARACTER. I personally would give them the money to help them, ESPECIALLY since you said you can afford to part with it. I would let them know how their actions hurt you, but also tell them that you are giving them the money since they gave you life & took care of you when you were younger. That this money was earned only because you had that stripping job & you are grateful that you are ABLE to help then now. You don’t have to have them in your life if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to forgive them; however, forgiveness is really a gift you give to yourself for your own peace of mind & to not carry any negative feelings that can bring anguish and illness (physically, mentally, spiritually & emotionally). YOU can set the example of what the right thing to do is. YOU can be a better role model. Your parents may be victims of negative actions of their parents and their own upbringing. I am not condoning what they did in anyway. I just know, for me personally, trying to understand my own parents position & why they may have acted in ways that were other than loving… having that compassion… once I reached adulthood… helped me to forgive, move on & have a relationship, tho far from perfect, with my parents… on MY terms… I have had people turn their back on me, but I have never turned my back on anyone in my life who I once loved, even if the relationship ended – I would still help that person – family or friend, if the need arose… That’s MY CHARACTER.
Spoken like a true psychotherapist.
I can relate to this article also because of my choice of work. My parents went next level after I told them eight years ago that I was an escort before my cheating ex fiancé Beat me to the punch and it gave me an opportunity to tell them myself. The lowest of the low that they’ve gotten to in the last 15 years was Taking one of my three cats hostage after I had to get a court order to be able to come back home and obtain my property from their house that I was registered living out. I’ve gone to W.A. to work for two weeks and upon returning to New South Wales Covid hit and they wouldn’t let me come home so I was in an out of air BN bees For three months . It took from April until June for me to get a court order to come and collect my things. Then upon completing packing the moving truck with all my belongings and then going to get my cats lost so I could leave and put them in the car they only gave me 2 out of 3 and I had to call the police and show them the paperwork and my parents played dumb and said they never seen the paperwork before and the police said that I have to take this on with local court . I had to go through the process preparing to go to court and then wasted money on a lawyer and then they withdrew the case the day before court and have gave me her back to me the day after my birthday on 18 September 2020.
They left me on the street during covid after I arrived back from W.A. and isolated at my ex boss’s House and upon leaving his house he stole my identity so when I landed at an Airbnb my accounts were drained my phone didn’t work you name it he hacked into everything. Police were contacted and Avia was put out on him . Mean while my brother was lives at home rent free and my sister also.
I was left on the street and was threatened by my parents with police if I came anywhere near my family home.
Even though after being in a car accident dec 2019 – my address was their house .
Due to the injuries in the car accident and loss of my vehicle which meant I lost my job as a traffic controller and I was unable to work as I couldn’t drive to escorting jobs.
I also received a phone call from my grandfather the day after I got my belongings from the property in June and he said to me that what I did was unforgivable without even hearing my side of the story and I don’t even know what my parents told him but it broke me. When I knew I had every right to call the police because they were holding my cat captive and she was on the list of things to be collected off the property on that date between the particular time frame.
Apart from my job as an escort they have threatened me with my “inheritance” and with the “relationship with my family” when I was fighting to get my cat Pengi back. It was so low of my mother that I said to them “keep the money if you think money is more important. I don’t want to be around people who threaten me with things so superficial but I stand up for myself and for the principal- my baby the cat I’ve had for 9 years…I wanted her back.”
They also withheld information from me about my grandparents since 2020 and I didn’t get to say goodbye to my grandma I’m 2020 and my grandfather In Dec 2021.
I only found out my grandmother was sick little and she was gonna die and hour before she passed away.
I am still an escort after dealing with the scare of cancer in 2020 to now by myself with no obvious family support or seriousness of the fact.
My parents have never truely loved me for me and I have always been an honest person and my job is something I have a passion for and my own parents even said to me that “if you ever have children and their anything like you, we don’t want to know them”. My family lives on the northern Beaches and believes the money is stature is more important. They like to make themselves look good on the outside to everyone else in the public but don’t really care about the people inside the family and they favour my younger siblings over me. Treated them to yearly holidays overseas and i have been away from home since I was 15.
Bullied at school and bullied at home. But since i sat down and told them I was an escort about eight years ago they haven’t treated me with any love and respect really ever since. So I totally agree with this article and I can relate.
An escort? So you sleep with other womens husbands, boyfriends, etc for money? Sounds like another spoiled brat who either has no brains to do anything else or no motivation to better themselves. I would be humiliated if my daughter was a hooker. It just disgusting and the way you talk, you probably have no sense of decency and dress and act like a hooker. What parent would be proud of that? Im sure your flaunting being a slut kept them from allowing you to destroy your grandparents last years of life. That generation would certainly not be ok with it. Grow up and get a real job and stop using your body to pay your way
Oh THANK YOU!!! These immoral homewrecking whores think they are so high and mighty! As for the stripper, she’s no better. When one puts a price on their body- they become worthless.
Nice to see at least one other person in this world has a moral compass!
You do realize that’s these men have a choice right? Just because it’s an option doesn’t mean you have to partake. Get off your high horse. If you are going to blame one you have to blame the other as well.
I strongly believe that she should let her parent’s live free in her apartment building. Pay for everything and give them a safe car. I have a daughter, and I would be horrified if she was a “dancer”.
I would hope, that I would not have disowned her..don’t think I would have. These people are her parents. When they are gone, she will truly regret not being the better person.
You now have an opportunity to show them what authentic Christian love looks like. You are caring and feel for them. If you would feel better, you could consider giving them some financial assistance and just leave it at that. You understand how judgemental and limited their hearts are. You can see that they have been humbled. Interesting how the tables have turned, isn’t it?
Christian love? What truly is that? All these homeless,hungry ,hurting people in this world; and one talks about Christian love that’s a lot of bullshit . Look around Christian love is only for the next liar that claims they are a Christian!
Absolutely no, as a daughter who went through almost same the same thing. Save your money, for your future. Pray/send them
Positive vibes but no please do not help financially. They should have planned better. And biblically they should not be borrowing as it’s “sinful” . You can tell them about Dave Ramsey financial peace university. They aren’t completely homeless either. They should remember that God entrusted them with a daughter that they cast out. Keep doing you👏🏾
It is not about how bad they are it is about how good you are. Forgive them and help them out.
I was disowned at one time and the pain was unimaginable. Without that pain, I would not have grown into the level headed, well adjusted woman. Forgiveness is not for them – it is for you to be able to release the feelings and be there when they need you. You only get one set of parents and you want be the BEST YOU for you!! Best wishes
Yeah it’s just so painful that most people are getting it wrong on these religion of a thing. How on earth a father or mother would do such thing.in these life we live their is no condemning.in bible it was an halort who gave the lsrealite the victory in capturing jericho.my dear in what they did that’s not what the bible says they where wrong forgive theme as God forgives our sins.
You can always use it as a dagger. If you give them the money to help them… make sure they know it came fro stripping and once they take it … they are damned to hell. Lol
Sounds like a wild, spoiled brat to me. Her parents didnt kick her out. They offered to pay for her college if she went to a college of their choice….ok…its their money. If she was actually worried about a college education, it wouldnt have mattered. Christian schools dont have weird rules, just rules that require you to be respectful, and not to be sleeping around and partying. They focus on wducation and not on having a good time. Shes the one who threw their offer in their face. We dont have their side of the story and considering shes a stripper….and one who makes much more than a stripper makes (seems like shes doing a little more than stripping to me), Id say we dont know how much trouble she got into as a teenager Or if there were drugs involved. Could be a reason her parents insisted on a Christian school. She also doesnt say they were abusive or mean to her. Sounds like a very selfish and ingrateful child to me. If my daughter became a stripper, I wouldnt disown her but I would be extremely embarrassed. Did her parents raise her? Pay for her clothes, haircuts, school lunch, roof over her head? She chose to leave. How can anyone turn their parents away. All they wanted was the best for her. Sounds like they knew where she was headed and were trying to stop it. Either way, they raised her and kept a roof over her head. If she wont miss the money, shes a narcassist for not helping them. Karma always comes back around eventually.
My grandmother whom I loved dearly taught me 2 pearls of wisdom….”Treat others as you would want to be treated” and “Never judge another human unless you have walked a mile in their shoes”, so 28F….if yr consciousness…is weighing on you since yr recent conversation with these dis-owned parents then perhaps….quietly investigate how you can support them…it may not even be money…perhaps groceries delivered weekly for a while….or paying for medication…..this is to keep you in check with who you are as a human being…otherwise it will start weighing on yr soul and health over time….be the bigger person…ultimately you proved everyone wrong….you made it in life despite being disowned by yr folks….you were down on yr luck while young now they are down in their luck while being old….ultimately it’s yr health overtime that will suffer…is my thinking……mend those bridges before it’s to late.
She did something wrong in the first place. She disobeyed her parents and ended up with friends that could introduce her to a strip club. But I am ashamed of her parents, after disowning the child and not even stretching a hand when you know that she is stripping Now you are asking her for stripmoney help. Shame on you
Forgiveness is for you and no others, learn it‼️
Forgive them and give them the money. Do it for you and not for them. Your peace of mind and happiness is what’s most important. If you don’t, you’ll always be tormented by the “what if”.They’ve already hurt you in your younger years. Don’t let them continue now. Be at peace.
She earned her money legitimate, did not steal it or scammed it. She was disowned and now the parents want some money. have them go to their church and ask the for help. the daughter should tell them to go pound sand.
NTA
Even though I would probably help in this situation, I feel for this woman. To be disowned by your parents for going to a regular college ? My God, what parent does that ??
You know what ? This was to happen. I am an Indian by origin and strongly belive that Karma is a bitch and what goes round comes round. Life has now come around a full circle and has brought them back to you and with with a lot of remorse and guilt as they cried you mentioned.
That was their Karma and what you do now will be your Karma. You can now prove what you stood for. You can show that at the end, it is the immediate family members that come to your rescue and not those so called relatives and religion for which they abandoned you.
It is the time of a strong assertion from you that a strong family bonding eliminates the need to have a validation from the society. Don’t just consider this as a small revenge taking opportunity by venting out your frustration and leaving them to die.
This is an opportunity I would be dying to get. Be the bigger person and you now need to convey a strong message to them with every support that you provide them with and that is when you will be able to transform them and their beliefs. Now is the time to give a tight slap to all those relatives who could not care for you.
And for your parents, start by telling them you have donated all your sinful money to charity but would now want to stay with them and start from where they left you and deal with all their struggles now the way you would have dealt had you been a normal working daughter.
This would show your Character as a daughter and their character as remorseful parents. I think you should give them a chance.
And you might be right. Money is the root cause of all evil and I have tested my relationships with my girlfriend, wife, friends by eliminating this variable and staging self inflicted deliberate unemployment to see who is a true friend and who is just a companion of good times.
You must give them a benefit of doubt. I am no one to judge you but you must admit that being a stripper is significantly outside the operating boundaries of even the most modern societies.
I mean ask yourself if you would really want your daughter to be a stripper.
At the same time, nor supporting you for a non-christian college was a gross mistake at their end.
So, give it a good thought which of the 3 options below would really give you the peace of mind.
1. Just give them the money and forget it.
2. Don’t give them anything and forget it.
3. Assert yourself strongly in the manner I described as this is your chance to show everyone why you were RIGHT.
Thanks.
Ajit
They may have disowned you, but God made them come back and remember the gift of “You” he had given them. You will always be their daughter. Do not be like them. They will always be your parents, good or bad. Help them so your heart will always be well with the Lord.😇🌹
I currently have a mom who is narcissistic and basically, I was raised by others and a lil by her. She obviously did not want me. My half brother is absolutely just like her I have no contact with him period. She played us against each other she is awful. My stepfather is a total ass. I could go on, it suffices to say I have been in therapy for 8 years. She tries to text which I allow but it does not notify me. If look and and d see them oh well. She wants to see me and come to my house I say no. Do not bring your husband he never liked me or cared for me period. She says I must accept him. Nope do not come I will not open the door. Thank God we live about 4 hours apart. She cussed my daughter her granddaughter out for absolutely no reason. I asked her to leave. I witnessed the whole thing, my Mom lies and lies. Other in family are like she is your Mom. I just say I am sorry you do not know her like me. She acts one way with you another with me. Sorry not sorry. She is dying to see grand daughter my daughter. My daughter told her I forgive you but forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. I don’t want to ever be around you again period. She will have nothing with her. It is a battle of wills. If you see her then she wins. So no. I did not grow up with her around so…no!
This is TOUGH. Help them once!
If I had the money to help them, I would. Just because I do that sort of thing. I treat people how I want to be treated, not how I’ve been treated, even by them. We learn as we get older and every 20 years I find that I think different than way back then. I would help them. They are my parents, if this is true. They are your parents. Don’t let their mistake stay with you all your life. Let it go, if they are willing to, you can’t fix yesterday, but we can always change tomorrow, by being different, to get different.
Yes, you are.
It’s not about them. Sure, they failed in showing you love, but again, it’s not about them.
This matter gave you the opportunity to take the road of forgiveness where peace and happiness is found. You chose to remain bitter by taking the road of revenge. Indecision,…. “am I TA or NTA” amongst other things follows.
….But on the positive side, life will give you other opportunities because you’re not a bad person.
Best to you.