It’s not exactly something that’s so uncommon these days. In fact, it’s a concept that has been explored by so many mainstream movies and books already at this point. The art of having physical relations with someone without necessarily having to deal with the emotional aspects of a relationship – or more colloquially known as the “friends with benefits” concept. And if you’re thinking that this is the way for you; that this would be much simpler than having to deal with relationships that have so many feelings involved; then you have to be careful.
It might seem simple, but if you go into it recklessly, you are opening yourself up to a lot of potential drama – and that’s the kind of drama that you were looking to avoid in the first place. First off, you have to know that it’s indeed possible to have a physical relationship with someone without necessarily incorporating emotions into it. You just have to know what you’re doing. And if you’re feeling lost or inexperienced, then that’s exactly what this article is for.
You don’t want to be blindly engaging in a complex physical relationship like this without first preparing yourself for it. You have to know what to expect – and you have to know how to do things right so that you don’t end up complicating everything.
1. Set the ground rules early on and make sure that you both adhere to them.
Boundaries. You have to set boundaries fairly early on. You have to establish a set of rules for the both of you to follow – and you must both agree to these rules. And the moment that either one of you breaks these rules, then you have to end it. Be very strict with your boundaries and expectations.
2. Be very judicious in who you’re getting physically intimate with.
You don’t want to just be getting into physical relationships with a random stranger. You want to make sure that you know who you’re getting into bed with, so to speak. If you know that someone already has significant feelings for you, then don’t even engage. That would be cruel.
3. It would be much better if your partner isn’t someone who has a significant role in your social life.
The less you interact with this person outside of your physical relationship, the better it would be. It helps a lot to not be engaging with a person if you want to maintain a sense of emotional detachment and distance with them. So the less time you spend together, the better off you’re going to be.
4. It would be best to keep your physical encounters and arrangements to yourselves.
Don’t go bragging to your friends about your sexual exploits. You have control over your own emotions – but you don’t have control over theirs. And you don’t want them to be putting ideas into your head. So it’s best to keep it all to yourself.
5. Don’t do things that involve anything other than physical intimacy.
Don’t go on dates. Don’t have long emotional conversations. Don’t get to know one another. Keep things physical.
6. Never spend the night.
The act of spending the night over just has a lot of emotional implications that come attached with it. And you definitely don’t want that kind of drama to infest the way that your relationship is set up. So after you do the deed, just get out of there and head straight back home. It’s not rude – it’s exactly what you both agreed to.
7. Don’t put too much meaning into the things that you do or say to one another.
Take things at face value – always. Not everything has some deeper meaning that you have to analyze and go into.
8. Don’t feel obliged to always hookup especially when you don’t feel like doing so.
Say no if you want to. You don’t owe this person anything. They aren’t entitled to have you whenever they want. They should be respectful of your reluctance to get physical with them if you’re not in the mood for it.
9. Don’t be jealous whenever your partner chooses to get friendly with someone else.
Part of being emotionally detached is being able to respect a person’s freedom to do whatever they want to do beyond the parameters of your physical relationship. You have no right to be dictating who they spend their time with.
10. Refrain from stalking this person on social media as much as possible.
Again, part of emotional detachment is being able to distance yourself from this person as much as possible. And if you are engaging with them on social media, that is the opposite of emotional distancing.
11. End things a soon as feelings or emotions start to develop.
The moment either of you starts to develop feelings for the other, call it off. You are violating the golden rule of your relationship. And you don’t want that for yourselves. Break things off and just let go of all the expectations that either of you might have developed with your arrangement.