When you hear or read the word ‘depression’, what things pop up in your mind first? Crying yourself to sleep at night; not wanting to eat or go out or hang out with friends or do anything you once liked; wanting to sulk in bed and do nothing; feeling empty down to the marrow of your bones; anxiety; paranoia etc and the list goes on.
But sometimes, depression is much deeper than that because at those times it isn’t easily recognized by unshed tears or feeling numb or skipped meals. In those times, it becomes a silent feathery monster growling and mumbling ever so slightly deep inside you. You may feel alone among a wide group of people with your loved ones right beside you yet so far away.
You’ll be smiling and all of sudden have it turned to a forlorn look realizing your partner doesn’t make you feel the same butterflies-in-stomach way they used to. It may hit slowly or all at once. That’s why depression is so hard to get at; it can be invisible at times. The relationships you harbor will start to feel empty too, leaves falling to the ground and turning to dust.
Maybe you aren’t truly satisfied with what you or your partner is investing in the relationship; perhaps it isn’t achieving such greatness as you expected. The reasons can be countless, the outcome same: it will make you feel depressed. It can also be from being powerless in your relationship.
In such a case, depression may infiltrate your entire emotional state. Depression can fill you up like a heavy, dark cloud, causing negative thoughts to arise. So if you feel powerless, have dark mood swings or experience negative thoughts more than often, there are some vital and basic signs that lead to conclude the what and how of your relationship inciting you to feel depressed, a prominent factor in bad relationships so be on the lookout for any or all of these tell-tale signs.
Realizing these dangerous indicators is the first step for protecting yourself. These dangers’ aren’t the ultimate end of a relationship but they do compel you to take appropriate measures. Also keep in mind that depression is experienced in relationships by both men and women alike.
Power is a tricky thing; it changes people.
Some might use to it in the right way, others may not. So when you find yourself feeling small in your relationship, it isn’t a good sign. A parent, for example, has more power in a parent-child relationship, but as long as the parent makes use of this power to care for the child, it’s in good terms. If your partner uses dominance to somehow rule over you, it isn’t healthy and you need to do something about it.
2. Blaming and Complaining
If your partner doesn’t give you feedback but only critics you, that’s not good. It causes problems in a relationship because telling someone what they’re doing is wrong just puts them down that’s criticism now. Feedback, on the other hand, tells the other person in a gentle way that what they’re doing is wrong and they might think of trying something else.
3. Bossing You Around
Constantly being told what to do will make them think they are worth no respect and in the long run, give birth to depressive feelings. It’s always better to ask. Such a thing is a matter of verbal communication the methods employed by your partner to give you a command. Even if they say it with enough dignity and love, it won’t be a big deal. However, ordering them around like Go get me some water, will you?. Sounds kind of demoralizing, doesn’t it?
4. Compulsive and Controlling Attitude
Your partner deciding for you how you’re going to spend your free time, which friends to make, when to hang out with them, what places to visit and what not to do you feel like a caged bird when all this is being controlled by your partner?
If you don’t have a say in even these basic things, because they’re so compulsive and controlling then it will make you feel left out left out of your own life, hence leading to feeling depressed. With your spouse taking away your freedom in such a way or let you contribute to make decisions jointly with them, depression will hit like a storm, silent yet sudden and destructive, with long-lasting effects.
5. Always wanting to win and be right
It isn’t such a bad thing to win in bets and arguments etc. and be right. But the excess of anything becomes harmful, right? If your partner makes it a bad habit, it will make you feel like your views are entirely wrong and baseless, even if they are not.
6. They push you away
Any relationship is a two-way thing. If your partner pushes you away in the sense that when you ask them for advice, they don’t give it or when you want them to take your hand and let you help them, they refuse and say I can do it on my own’ and so forth then a point will come when you will stop doing much of anything for them. Such a relationship will then become too one-sided and that is never a good sign, now is it?
7. They are depressed themselves
Depression is infectious. It is like looking at the world, including you, through a dark glass. If your partner is suffering from depression themselves, they will see the world like this and what they will see mostly is negatives instead of the real, solid thing.
Being around such a partner will bring you down emotionally too, not only because you would have to continuously cheer them up and become tired in the process but also because being with them, you might start to see the world like they do and become a victim of depression yourself.
8. They have anger issues and get irritated quickly
Harboring strong emotions like anger can be very toxic for any relationship. This toxicity, when spread in that relationship, can cause feelings of depression and dark mood swings to take place in you the receiver of all that anger. Same is the case with irritation. You would have to be extra careful with what you do and say in case it might anger or irritate your partner. This will emotionally drain you.
9. Having an abusive behavior
A lot of relationships go smoothly but then end badly, a major cause either one of the partner in it being abusive to the other, whether it be emotional, physical or both. In terms of emotions, abuse can be exhibited in a partner’s critical and controlling demeanour, verbally with calling bad names, physically by hitting or throwing things and so on. It does not matter what form of abuse we talk about pain is heart, whether inflicted upon the heart and mind or the body and it can never be right in any relationship.
The instinct to hurt your partner is the entire opposite to the instinct to love and nurture them. Putting down your partner in any way endangers them lapsing heavily into depression, sometimes to the point where they find the solution in self-harming or taking extra doses of antidepressants etc. On the other hand, any for, of gratitude shown to your partner will add to their good feelingsit is just that simple.
Having a partner who participated actively in loving and living together is a great blessing to have, isn’t it? Whether they do the dishes for you when you are too tired to after all the cooking and house work, or going to the airport to pick up your friend, contributing and helping in some way always feels loving and being cared for. In contrast to this, a partner who does not even acknowledge the importance of such a thing, much less do it, is ineptly offensive.
The anger or annoyance you will feel when they act in such an arrogant and irresponsible manner will signal the unhealthy side of your relationship. It will ultimately lead you into thinking that you have to take responsibility of everything no matter what. Such a careless partner who does not ever offer you a helping hand will indeed make you feel tired, paranoid and depressed.
11. They do not defend you
Suppose you are at a party with your partner, surrounded by people who know you well. Someone asks your opinions about feminist movements and you say you support and promote them. Suddenly, your partner chips in they do no support or promote them and are nothing but a fool’s errand in a man’s world.
How would that make you feel?
Imagine if such scenarios rise up again and again, where your partner neither defends your claims nor helps you make a statement in public and such. We should always stand up for our loved ones because at the end of the day, all we have is the people we trust and be with. If we do not defend them and their views etc then what good are we worth for to them? Such feelings of isolated will make you feel depressed.
12. They remain distant
Relationships are only as strong as the people involved want them to be. Both of you are each other’s walls. If your partner doesn’t open up to you emotionally or has a hard time trusting you, them being so distant can leave you feeling alone, no matter how close you two might be physically. In turn, that loneliness will make you depressed. You might hesitate to open up to your partner too, because you know they probably either don’t care or are too preoccupied in themselves.
So if you notice some or all of these signs after you pay attention to your relationship, take a leap away from such a dark cloud hovering above your head, raining down drops of depression in your otherwise happy life. You can always discuss such issues with your partner too and see if both of you can resolve such issues together through mutual consent. Employ good communication skills with them to let them know exactly what you are feeling and what you want changed in your relationship.
Often times, things are simple but we make them complicated. So do not complicate your relationship further by bottling things up from your partner as the depression gets the best of you in the meantime. Talk things out with your partner in earnest and if that is not an option then make sure you leave and no not look back because it is painful and pointless to leave a light on for nobody.
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Are these warning signs making you stay depressed? Let me know in the comments below!