Some of the worst kinds of relationships.
Sometimes, you just can’t tell how bad a relationship is, till you are out of it. But hey, we all make mistakes and it’s completely normal to go through ups and downs in ones romantic life.
To help you recognize what’s very clearly an unhealthy relationship, here’s a list.
1. The “I’m scared of dying alone so I’m okay with a relationship as long as it doesn’t suck too bad”
When you’re in a relationship with someone for so long that it’s like dating your best friend. It’s all fun, your dates are like handouts and you’re basically the most badass team on the block. Your relationship? It’s predictable and dependable and friendly…. But that’s the problem, it’s friendly. You don’t love the other; you’re not even physically attracted to them. It’s like kissing makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up but in a bad way.
You love the predictably-existent birthday presents and the confirmed date to your cousin’s weddings and just telling your grandma that she doesn’t have to worry about you turning into the cat lady from the block like your aunt Sara is so satisfying. Your relationship is a safety net and that’s pretty much all it is.
2. We aren’t official but we will be, soon
He just needs time. You’re amazing and gorgeous and all that he wants in life but he just needs time. It’s unfair to you but what about the sparks.
It’s cloud nine when you’re together. You laugh and have fun and spend so much time together.
It’s been months, maybe even a year but every time you bring up making it official, he says no. It’s sad because he can do nothing but praise you. You’re physical, you’re emotional, and you’re just not official.
(I’d run…)
3. The ‘let’s party together’ couple
It’s as clear as it sounds. They’re all bros and sups and let’s get turnt. He takes her to the best concerts and to jazz gigs in shabby old corner cafs at like 3 am and planning something? Not really first priority
You love him and he claims to love you but he’s got nothing going on… No plans for the future, no ambition and no particular set of helpful skills.
He’ll share his drinks with you, though, and that’s all that matters. Obviously. He’ll take you to his favorite burrito place and he’ll take selfies with you while you wear flower crowns. It’s pretty much going nowhere. Except the burrito place. It has to go there.
4. Friends with benefits
Not the best idea… You’re lonely and horny and so is he. You want a little something but not a lot of something. Relationships; you’re tired of them so obviously when the hot friend from your squad sorta kinda makes out with you at some frat party… You take him to bed, of course, and then you watch as you guys have a blast for the first few months and then feelings come into the picture and your friendship falls apart and you want to stop it from doing so but it’s like trying to blow dry wet toilet paper… It won’t always dry whole and when it does it’ll be scratchy and stiff.
And you know maybe you both end up having babies and falling in love and getting married… (I’m not implying a pattern what are you talking about)
5. “… I mean I need something to pass the time so this relationship is fine for now.”
It’s not. He’s not a toy. You’re going nowhere, why are you wasting time and do you not have a heart?
I mean, you’re just waiting for a better man to come along so you can leave the previous one. You can’t imagine telling Cousin Margaret that you’re single while she’s not so you stick with a guy who doesn’t know he’s inevitably going to get his heart-broken.
And you’re missing possible serious partners… But that’s not important what’s important is to stop messing with human beings. They’re human beings after all. You know with feelings and all that jazz.
6. The spontaneous relationship
You rock-climb, you jump off cliffs, you go scions diving , you swim with sharks and dolphins and even do that weird water sport in which you fly in the sky because of water pressure… You know what I mean.
It’s adrenaline. You enjoy yourself. You party; your heart beats at the mere sight of him. Is it love? Is it heart problems? You don’t know. It’s like you love him and you love for him but will you live if you stay with him because the extreme marathons and let’s break world records together attitude is giving you anxiety attacks.
7. I can fix him.
No you can’t. Don’t try to be the hero. But back to the topic, You date him because, well:
a) he looks fantastic
b) he’s big
c) you love the idea of someone depending on you. And because you can’t find satisfaction in a relationship that’s completely normal… a.k.a. equally depending on each other, you go after the guy who’s got some serious issues. It doesn’t run through your mind that you could potentially die. You just love the thrill of dating a bad boy.
Or maybe he turned into one after you guys dated… nope that’s when I recommend leaving a relationship. If he can’t take care of himself don’t expect him to give a crap about you.
8. If Draquisha is in a relationship, I can’t not be.
You’re in a relationship because when you look at your future and see yourself potentially not having ‘wife of XYZ’ on your grave but your best friend got a proper family and is pregnant with her 6th child. You do it out of fear and jealousy… It’s okay if it exists and that’s what’s pretty much keeping you together.
9. Mama in law is bomb AF
You get along with his family more than you get along with your own. You text his mother at 3am and tell her about all your insecurities while she tells you all about the bedroom life… Or lack of life.
His sister and you talk crap about all the girls on the block and guess what? You both got cheated on by the same guy. His brother? You and him are both die-hard fans of anime and his dad loves baking and guess what? So do you! The only person you have nothing in common with in his family? It’s him
10. “Our dogs fell in love and soon, we did too”
It was a hot day at doggy day care and his German shepherd thought your German shepherd was the hottest b*tch in town… And they were best friends and soon the owners met and they became best friends.
You took him to your sister’s engagement party. But the as time went on and your dogs fell out of love because a new prettier and younger German shepherd joined doggy day care, you realized that apart from your cute ‘how we met’ story and the fact that you both had dogs… You had nothing in common. And it sucked.
11. It was just one time; he won’t do it again…
Okay so in rare cases maybe, just maybe the guy/girl isn’t lying and won’t do it again. But let’s get practical, if you forgive him once and he does it again and you forgive him again… He’s gonna do it again and we all know it.
And by ‘it’ I mean cheating on you, hitting you, stealing your money, forcing him on you etc. Yup, don’t trust him If he does the stupid things I just mentioned.
If he does it once, shame on him, if he does it, twice shame on you (and him for taking advantage of your forgiving nature, but get a grip).
12. It’s in your head relationship.
You imagine your babies together, you imagine going on picnics and having water fights at the ripe age of 50 and being that couple that the hipster kids on tumblr wish they turn out to be.
Well. it’s not real. He got away. He’s the one who got away. He’s not here anymore. Time to move on.
13. He’s my online boo
You text, you flirt, you Skype and you send each other selfies and you go as far as calling him your boyfriend… It’s great because you love each other and although you’ve never met, you’re soul mates and his extremely angled selfies are totally him… It’s a pain in the butt.
And then one day, you happen to go on a business trip WHERE HE LIVES. And you plan to meet but he just happens to have a flight to China the very same day… It’s sad and sort of obvious.
14. He’s in a relationship but he’s mine.
If he flirts with you and puts on his ring the morning after, girl, get yourself out of the situation. And if you fall in love not even knowing that he’s married and he’s wooed you and you have the perfect future planned and then one day you hear him talk to his child on the phone.
Run. Get out it’s going to end up a big ol’ pile of poo. And you’ll be in the centre of it. Look, if he loves you that much, he’ll leave her. Don’t be a side chick, be the main, you deserve it.
