4 Lessons I Learned From Getting Into My First Relationship In My Mid-20s
1. Inexperience isn’t really going to be that big of an issue.
You might think that you’re already behind in the whole relationship game. Most of the people you know started getting into relationships as early as high-school. And yet, here you are in your mid-20s and you’re just starting to explore the world of romance and relationships. You’re just starting to discover what it means to fall in love with a person. You’re scared, though. The person that you’re dating might already be really experienced in the field. You might be left to feel like you have lots of catching up to do. You are frightened that your inexperience is going to screw things up in some way.
You are terrified of the idea of you being ignorant about what you’re supposed to do or how you’re supposed to act in your relationship because you literally have no experience in the matter. But here’s the secret: it doesn’t really matter much whether you have experience or not. There are so many relationships all over the world that stand the test of time even when the people involved are inexperienced. You have to understand that all relationships are processes of self-discovery. You are constantly learning and growing as you go.
All relationships are different. All relationships are going to require time for learning and discovery. You’re not always going to have everything all figured out even when you’re experienced in relationships. So, you shouldn’t feel so bad about not having been in any relationships before. Your partner is just as nervous as you are.
2. “I” is going to cease to exist; and it will be replaced by “we”.
Throughout your whole life, you have only ever really had yourself to worry about. You do everything in life with the intentions of propelling yourself forward. You have only ever really been interested in your own personal pleasures and self-interests. You have always just been thinking of yourself. And you’ve grown accustomed to that kind of life especially now that you’re a young adult. You are thinking about the things that you can do to inch yourself closer to your dreams. You think that this is the time for you to really hustle and set a solid foundation for your adult life.
You think that you really need to focus all of your time on making sure that your career isn’t going to be put in jeopardy. But then you meet someone; and then the unexpected happens. You fall in love. You meet someone and you’re thrust into a whole new world that you’re unfamiliar with. You don’t’ know what you’re supposed to do exactly; but you know that you’re going to have to learn quickly.
And as the relationship gets deeper and deeper, you will start to learn that you can’t be so selfish all the time anymore. You will discover that you can’t just be making decisions on your own without thinking of your partner. You will learn that you can’t just be calling the shots all of the time. When you are sharing a life with another person, you literally have to be willing to share that life; to relinquish some sense of control.
3. You are definitely going to have to give up a lot of your time.
Up until now, you have had all the time in the world to just do what you want to do and be who you want to be. You have made the most out of your time by devoting it to hobbies and leisurely activities. You have devoted a bulk of your time to your job and to your career. You have devoted so much of your time to your own personal self-development. You have spent a lot of your time with friends who are near and dear to your heart; to the family that has been there for you ever since.
But when you get into a relationship with someone, you learn that you’re not going to be able to spend your time the way that you want it; in the way that you have always been. You are going to have to learn to share a lot of your time with this other person. And that’s a compromise you’re going to have to make for the sake of love.
4. Get ready for a lot of awkwardness and real-life situations.
Given that you’ve been single for most of your life, you have probably had lots of chances to really dream up what your first relationship is going to be like. And more often than not, your reality isn’t going to be able to live up to your dreams. And that’s okay. That’s part of it. You aren’t always going to have an amazing and magical relationship that goes well all of the time. You are going to have to go through a lot of tough and awkward phases; and you don’t have to worry about not being able to sustain a perfect relationship environment all of the time.