Healthy arguments are a necessity.
Couples fight. It’s normal. Don’t sweat it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for 2 or 20 years; it doesn’t matter if you’re just starting to date, or if you’re already married with kids. You are still prone to having a few fights and disagreements if you choose to stay together and that’s okay. You shouldn’t be ashamed about the frequency of your arguments either. You just have to really worry about the quality of your arguments. You must keep in mind that the way that you conduct yourselves in your relationship is a direct reflection of your inner values, principles, ideologies, and worldviews. All of these things are shaped and formed by the people that you surround yourself with and the experiences that you accumulate over the course of your lifetime.
And you must always make sure that when you argue with one another, you must always be putting your best selves forward. But what does your best self look like exactly? Well, for one, you should always make it a point to practice full humility. Don’t let pride deprive you of having a harmonious and balanced relationship with your spouse. You don’t want to let all of the hard work and emotional investments that you have put into this relationship go down the drain just because you refused to swallow your pride. You have to be humble enough to acknowledge your humanity; the fact that you are flawed and imperfect; the fact that you are prone to mistakes.
You also have to be able to have the strength and resolve to let things go. Harboring ill feelings and negative emotions can’t be good for yourself or for the relationship at all. The fact of the matter is that relationships are incredibly stressful and that stress can get the best of us at times. Whenever things get a little overwhelming and the pressure deprives us of our most rational faculties, then there is a tendency that the situation can get a little out of hand. And it can be very difficult to navigate our way through high-pressure situations amidst a flood of emotions. But it’s not impossible.
It’s perfectly plausible for two people to disagree without necessarily hating one another and destroying whatever emotional bond or connection they might have. In fact, the strongest couples always come out of these trials so much stronger than ever before. They just make sure to always keep these 4 tips in mind whenever they argue with one another.
1. Losing control of your emotions is a choice. Always choose not to do so.
Just because it’s difficult to control your emotions during a heated situation doesn’t mean that you can’t do so. You always have a choice to let your emotions get the best of you or not. Just choose not to.
2. When you feel like your feelings are too much for you to handle, don’t say anything. Pause and take a few deep breaths before you continue talking.
You would be surprised at how healthy a few deep breaths can be for you as an individual and as a couple. Keep a level head and a calm heart before you resume your argument.
3. Don’t say anything you think you might end up regretting in the end.
It’s better to say nothing than something hurtful. So if you think that whatever you might say has the slightest chance of being something that you’re eventually going to regret, then just don’t say it.
4. Argue to understand one another, not to fight.
It’s not about expressing yourselves as individuals. It’s about really listening to one another and seeing things from your partner’s point of view. It’s about placing yourself in your partner’s position to really understand what they want to tell you. One of the most important things to keep in mind in relationships is that it’s important that we never try to change people or force them to be our idealized versions of who they really are. Real harmony and love in a relationship is really built on mutual respect and unlimited tolerance for each other’s differences. In fact, it’s more than just a tolerance. There is a love and an appreciation that is genuinely present between two people who truly love one another.
And that love and appreciation persists despite the differences; despite the many flaws and imperfections that are present in the relationship. The strongest couples are the ones who always take full responsibility for who they are and how they conduct themselves in the relationship. They don’t turn a blind eye to whatever shortcomings or sticky situations they might find themselves in. They always have the courage and the resolve to take whatever challenges are thrust their way with grace, patience, and a whole lot of love. The best couples are the ones who understand that there are greater stakes involved here. They know that when they argue, it’s not really about getting a single point across. It’s not really about the self. It’s about something that transcends the individual. Arguments are always coming from a place of true understanding. And that’s why they have the strongest kinds of relationships.