5 ways to deal with someone you love after they’ve lost their loved one
Be kind and take care of them.
We have all grown up listening and witnessing realistic facts like nothing lasts forever, death is inevitable and so forth. All those words seem as random as the morning coffee you drink before heading out for work. Pause for a moment here and think what happens when you miss that morning coffee.
Your head aches; you get anxious thinking of how you would have to drink the stale one in a dull white Styrofoam cup at your workplace and the list goes on. Something or someone you think is always going to be there for you, much like a step in the stair when it is not there anymore, it comes as a shock now doesn’t it? The lilac colors in the sky are still lingering there, but with a heavy sense of loss impeding your head and heart, you barely notice those colors.
In the same pretext, losing someone is a very tough reality to face for most of us. When you see someone lose someone they love, it feels like you’ve lost a small part of that person too, a part which only existed with the one they have lost.
Helping them in such a case in any way you can, offering full time support to them and basically doing everything you can for them might not bring back who they have lost nor stitch their broken pieces together. But it might as well give them fair and solid ground to reinvent themselves. After all, every destruction breeds creations.
The sparks of death and the seeming ending it represents is not the end of the chapter, but the beginning of a new one. So why not be there to help them write their stories by a few tokens of support and affection given during their tough times?
Here are a few main things to remember when it comes to dealing your loved ones when they loss someone they love:
Don’t keep reminding them time heals all wound they are already aware of it.
At the time you’re grieving, that heavy sense of loss which lies in the present is all you can think of in the heat of the moment. The future or the past really doesn’t matter in that moment. Everyone keeps reminding you time will heal all your wounds and make you used to the pain later.
Yet what really feels bothersome is the fact that no one can seem to tell you exactly how to cope with it all right now. This is what you really wish to know. Why now? Because it’s right now you can’t sleep and eat; feel their presence and can do nothing but cry. Remember this when dealing with someone’s who’s grieving.
Don’t remind them that time heals, but that you’re there for them right now, that you love them, that they have you to lean on and that they aren’t going through this alone.
Be patient for grief doesn’t suddenly disappear
Losing someone you love doesn’t ever happen all at once. You lose them a little bit at a time each day, every day, the way and a person’s scent slowly beings to fade from their pillow, from their clothes and so on. Everyone has their own way of grieving. For some, it takes longer and for others, it takes shorter.
One thing is for sure: grief never completely evaporates, no matter the gaiety and opiates of life and its charms. A tiny spark of that grief always lingers inside our hearts, even after we move forward with our lives. It might go unnoticed on some days, but it may spring forth to life out of the blue. This reality can be difficult to accept and deal with.
You might think they’ve accepted that they’re gone that they’re done grieving and it’s over and then suddenly, one little thing happens, and it seems like you’ve lost that person all over again. That’s why patience’s needed caring for someone who’s grieving.
Don’t take their withdrawn behavior personally grieving sucks the life right out of them
Grieving over losing someone who meant a great deal to you can be exhausting. If one moment you are all cheery, the next you might be all closed and guarded. Even getting out of bed and taking a shower seems like a hard task to do when the cloud of grief hangs low above your head.
When dealing with someone like this, don’t take their guarded and withdrawn behavior to be a result of something you might have said or done. It has got nothing to do with you so don’t take it personally. All you can really do is give them their time and space to come to terms with their loss, checking up on them in the meantime.
Remind them of the good times spent with whom they’ve lost; they still want to smile
For things to come in the long run, grief can either consume us or enlighten us. It depends on which side you’re willing to focus on more. Reminding those you love, after they lose someone beloved to them, of all those major and minor details that made the relationship a sacred one, details they had overlooked before, will make them smile one way or the other.
Help them remember those imperfect yet blissful times worth smiling about; to compensate their loss with their gratitude of what they had. Make them believe in the maxim of being happy it happened instead of grieving it ended.
Grief is a burden, but also an anchor for living to the fullest
Those we lose always have a place in our heart. Just like our love for them never fades, so will our grief upon losing them be everlasting. But we can still continue to live and experience life to its fullest despite that heavy weight of loss to carry on our shoulders. That loss reminds is that life is short and we should make the most of it while we can.
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How did you deal with the same situation? Let me know in the comments below!