The truth is that I have had my heart broken so many times in the past by so many different people. And it’s really so sad to the point that it might actually be fun in the eyes of people from the outside looking in. I feel downright pathetic with the number of times that I have had someone lie to me.
I have been used and abused in so many ways. I have always had a very giving heart and that has led many people to take advantage of me. But somehow, in spite of all the abuse and the manipulation, I still managed to survive. I still managed to make it through the rain. And even though you think that I am bent and broken, you have no idea at all.
Here are a few things that you might need to know about me as a person who has been broken so many times before:
- I can identify a toxic person in a matter of seconds. I have been exposed to so many toxic people in the past that I practically know all of the signs at this point. I have become such a good judge of character because of the number of terrible people that I have had the displeasure of meeting. I know a selfish person when I see one because that’s how I learned to protect myself.
- I always stay alert and vigilant when it comes to interacting with other people. The thing with love is that you always have to showcase a certain level of vulnerability towards someone. However, people aren’t always going to respond to vulnerability with kindness and sensitivity. And I have been on the receiving end of so many unkind acts. That is why I have learned to protect myself now. That is why I have become a lot more guarded and closed off. I am now more judicious of the people I allow myself to become vulnerable to.
- I now have amazing attention to detail. Something that I have learned from being hurt so many times is that I always have to be paying attention to all of the red flags early on. I always need to be staying vigilant of all the signs that I need to be paying attention to. That is why I now know to really pay attention to all of the little things. When you make minor efforts to make things work with me, I will be very appreciative and grateful for them. But even if you do minor behavioral acts in the relationship, I will not forget about those either.
- Kindness is something that actually means the world to me. When you have an opportunity to interact with so many people who just hurt and abuse you, kindness can actually be a luxury whenever you do get to experience it. I have been hurt by so many people who were so unkind to me. And that’s why I value kindness whenever and wherever it creeps into my life. It is now the number one thing I look for in the people who enter my life.
- I don’t like to talk about my feelings much anymore. I know that to reveal one’s feelings is also an act of vulnerability. And like I said, I’m no longer going to allow myself to be so vulnerable so liberally. I am not going to be so willing to just blurt out my feelings and emotions without first making sure that someone is going to be worthy of my openness and honesty. I won’t allow myself to be such an open book anymore when it comes to my feelings.
- I really want to be able to take things slow but sometimes, my heart just takes over my senses. I really want to take control of my actions but I sometimes let my feelings get the best of me. I’m not like most people. I am very emotional. And I know that my emotionality can compromise my better judgment a lot of the time.
- I really want to be trusting of most people I meet but I’m just deathly scared to do so. I am so scared of just letting people in my life because I really don’t know if I can take any more pain or abuse. I don’t know if I would ever be able to recover from another heartbreak. I want to be trusting of people but I don’t really have much incentive to do so.
- Sometimes, I end up thinking that I’m not really worthy of the love that I want. I have been treated badly by so many people and maybe it’s because I don’t really deserve to be treated any better. And that’s why I have come to believe that maybe I am no deserving of true love after all.