It’s always rough whenever you aren’t able to make things work with someone you love. You invest so much of who you are and what you feel into a relationship; and yet, you still can’t manage to find a way to make things work. You want so desperately for your relationship ventures to work out for the best; however, life isn’t always going to give you what you want. You don’t always get to predict just how your love life is going to pan out for you. And that’s okay. That’s part of life. That’s part of growing to be a better person. However, that also doesn’t have to mean that you need to constantly be taking shots in the dark.
In love and in life, you always need to be making calculated choices. And in a relationship, you always choose to love a person. However, that love isn’t always going to guarantee that things will work out for the best. And that’s why you need to be judicious. That’s why you need to be placing your love into the right places. If you notice early on that your relationship just isn’t a right fit, then you’re going to get a chance to save a lot of your time. You will get to end things even before you get invested. You will end up being able to save yourself the emotional trauma of having to end things with someone you’ve become so emotionally invested in.
The key is being able to spot the red flags early on. And that’s what this article is for. This is a curated list of expert advice given by leading scholars in the field of relationships. Here are a few signs that your young love just isn’t built to last.
1. You only ever feel lust.
Sometimes, love can be confused for intense lust and passion. These are two very different things and you have to be able to make that delineation. You have to make sure that you are attracted to your partner beyond more than just a physical or sexual level. You need to be able to transcend that attraction.
2. You don’t really feel like you can be your true self.
If you are pressured to be an entirely different person; someone you’re not really comfortable with being, then you’re not going to be able to make things work in your relationship. You always have to be your true and genuine selves if you want your relationship to last. It’s not sustainable if the both of you keep pretending to be other people.
3. You don’t have a solid communication game.
You’re always going to need a solid communication game if you want your relationship to work out. You aren’t going to be able to connect with each other and build a bond if you don’t communicate.
4. You don’t like their group of friends.
At the end of the day, your love should be your love. And no one else should get to dictate what kind of love you have for one another. However, you also have to acknowledge that down the line, you will be merging social circles in your relationship.
5. You notice your partner completely give up independence.
Even though you might be in a committed relationship with one another, you both still need to be able to maintain a sense of independence. You both still have to be your own people. The moment you abandon your individual personalities, you effectively kill the romance.
6. You feel like you aren’t being heard.
You always have to be made to feel like you are being heard and listened to. You don’t want to be with a partner who is going to ignore you and make you feel like your thoughts and opinions don’t carry much weight. You want a person who is always going to be ready to lend you an ear.
7. You are made to feel more insecure.
Your insecurities shouldn’t intensify when you have someone who loves you. Your fears and weaknesses shouldn’t be highlighted by someone you’re in a relationship with. And if that’s the case early on, then it’s likely that it’s going to stay that way until you break up with one another.
8. You notice that they aren’t nice to everyone.
A person who isn’t nice to everyone they encounter – is not a nice person. You need a partner who has a solid character that is consistent regardless of who they might be dealing with. You don’t want to be with someone who is selectively nice.
9. Either of you are still hung up over an ex.
It’s highly unlikely that either of you are going to be able to make your relationship work if you are hung up over your exes. It’s okay to have some emotional baggage going into a new relationship. But you need to make sure that you are completely invested in your future, and not hung up over the past.