An Open Letter To The Person Who Never Deserved Me

No. I don’t actually miss you anymore. And no, I’m not roaring to get you back. I’m not looking to win you over. I am not hoping for another shot with you. I’ve moved on and it’s important for you to know that right now before I get any deeper with this letter.

I feel like a much better human being now than I ever did when I was with you. I am in love with my life right now and I love who I have become since the two of us ended things. Of course, it took me a while. I spent a lot of time just thinking about where you and I went wrong. I spent so many days just pondering about what I could have done to save our relationship. I was wracking my brain with thoughts and possible ideas on how I could have kept us from falling apart at the seams.

I tried so hard to think of the many ways that I was an imperfect partner; an imperfect human being. I know I had my flaws back then and I still have a lot of flaws today. But I just couldn’t figure out how these flaws could have collectively kept us from being together. I still believed that you and I had a shot at making things work. And that’s when I realized that I was taking things a little too personally.

Yes, I am imperfect but it wasn’t my imperfection that drove you into the arms of another person. There was absolutely nothing that I could have done to have kept you in my life. We were just two very different people who couldn’t find a way to reconcile those differences. We crossed paths at a point in our lives that didn’t allow for the two of us to stay together. Of course, I was always willing to try to make things work.

And maybe for a short time, you showed that willingness as well. But then, somewhere along the line, it was just me who was fighting on behalf of both of us. And that’s when the relationship really started to fall apart. I was always willing to make things work. I was always putting in the effort. But with you choosing to withdraw yourself from the entire situation, you effectively put an expiration date on our entire relationship.

And when I came to that realization, I also understood just how complicated you were making my life. That’s when I learned that a life without you would be much simpler and less cluttered. The higher powers know that I really wanted you to step up to the plate and fight for our love. You probably knew that as well. I always wanted you to just drastically change into the person I needed you to be to save our relationship.

I needed you to act like every leading man in all of Hollywood’s romantic movies. I needed you to be the protagonist in a Nicholas Sparks novel. I needed you to step up and be my knight in shining armor. But you just never became any of those things. You never had the guts that I needed you to have for the relationship. And to this day, I have to admit that I still cling to the light hope that you might eventually become the guy I need you to be. In that scenario, I would probably run back to you in a heartbeat. But I know that that is an improbability at this point; a near impossibility.

And I really don’t have any tears left to cry. I have no more energy to weep. I have already exhausted so much of my time thinking about why you had to even walk into my life in the first place even when we weren’t meant to be. I was wondering what I did in my past life to deserve the heartbreak that you were causing me. I was thinking about these things for such a long time and I never opened up to anyone else.

I kept telling myself that I would eventually be okay even if I didn’t’ believe it at the time. It hurt me a lot to let you in only to have you betray me like that. It’s so ironic that I spent so much time just building myself back up again. However, as with all things in life, time did its wonders. I healed. And now, I can firmly say that I have found myself in a place of health and stability. And trust me when I say that I just want to thank you.

I want to thank you for teaching me to only fight for the people who show a willingness to fight for me in return. Thank you for teaching me that love is something that I should never take for granted.