In relationships and in love, we forget to realise our worth. Sometimes we fall too hard for someone and we want them to fall for us equally hard and in that constant trying, we let them use us, treat us badly and take us for granted.
Honestly, the things I am about to tell you in this article are mistakes that we make as victims. We are the ones who let things happen to us and that is why it is highly important to know our own worth and the things we did wrong first before really going on and blaming someone for mistreating us.
There are a few things in every relationship that shouldn’t be done, a few lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Even if you love someone too much, you can’t let them do it because remember, love is not about pampering and spoiling your partner only, it is about helping them become a better person, a better partner. As someone who claims to love them, you should be helping them be better, be the best. The kind of love that brings out the good in others, that is true love because you care how your partner is taken as by everyone else.
Likewise, if they truly love you, they will try and bring stability to your life. They will try and bring it to equilibrium rather than throwing it out of balance. They will try and bring out the best in you. They will try and add to your life not start taking away things.
So here are the things that I believe are the greatest indications that you deserve a lot better than them. Not only that, but also future red flags for any relationship you have.
Don’t let yourselves be treated wrongly because nothing leaves a scar like these 15 red flags do.
1. Physical Abuse
When it happens, don’t think it was a one time mistake, do not think that they didn’t mean to, do not think the intensity will not keep increasing because the only person you will fool by thinking like this is yourself.
The day it happens, pack your bags because you shouldn’t put up with anything of that sort. Not you, not anyone, no one deserves to be given pain physically.
2. Mental and verbal abuse
Abuse does not limit itself to physical abuse, contrary to what people say. Mental and verbal abuse are even more painful. The give deeper scars, often irreparable. Mental abuse is when you constantly feel like you are under your partner’s control. Everything you do, it has to please your partner, no matter what.
That constant stressed out feeling you have of making your partner unhappy, going against their wish is what has bagged you mentally and emotionally.
Do not put up with verbal threatening and anyone bad mouthing about you. Remember, they declare that they love you too, if they really do, they would think twice before hurting you like that.
3. Making fun of you
Respect! Relationships are built and maintained on and on through respect. If they don’t respect you, your body, your ideas and your habits, they can’t really love you. Anyone who makes fun of you or anything close to you is either extremely insensitive or only thinks that they love you but they really don’t because someone who really does will love you for your flaws and will never make you feel bad about them.
4. Keeping the relationship a secret
You deserve to be flaunted, you deserve to be treated the same way like you are treated by them behind closed doors. There is no reason for your partner to keep you a secret, unless they are a secret agent trying to hide their identity. Which I am sure they are not, so someone who is not ready to own you right now can let you go without hesitation when the time comes.
You can expect anything from a person who keeps their relationship a secret. Someone who loves you will be proud of you and will be more than equal to show you to their friends.
5. Belittling your aspirations
We all get to be lunatics in our heads, we can do anything we want to, imagine anything we like to and aim wherever we want to. It is a personal choice and should remain that way. Someone who does not support these aspirations and belittles them is two things; a person who doesn’t know anything about love and someone who does not have the courage to follow their own dreams.
Like abuse, cheating is not a mistake. It is not something that just happens to you, you choose it to be like that! So when and if your partner does feel sorry and comes clean, it is your job and the toughest one to distinguish if your partner is really sorry and has learned the lesson. Otherwise, if there is no remorse in their eyes and you can see they don’t see it as a big mistake, save yourself from getting hurt again. There are better people out there who have greater morals.
7. Making you feel bad about yourself
You were born a certain way and no one should have the right to make you feel bad about it. Every human is born with flaws and that is exactly what makes them unique and not a robot!
Be yourself and cherish yourself like that. At the end of the day, you have all that you have got, don’t let it slip away.
8. When this one relation becomes the cause of letting your other relations decay
Don’t let your partner treat your other relations with any less importance. Don’t let them have control over your relations with others.
Often in relationships, you end up losing friends and family because your partner might not like them or want them near you. Unwillingly, you start to leave those relationships because it is natural. But know that such partners do not stay for long, like they disregard others’ relationship with you; they will soon do it to yours and their relationship. So before they do it, save the relationships that matter and save yourself the guilt you would have felt otherwise.
In short, let them trust you and respect you. True relations are build on these core qualities. Don’t let them treat you the ways mentioned above because you deserve better than this.
Talk to me
Have you gone through any of these red flags? Share your experiences with me in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!