I Understand Why You Ended Us and I Am Thankful
I remember when you said those cold words and ended what we had; I remember the day and I remember the sun was going down at that very moment, just like we went down that day. How can I forget the sunset that made me feel like it was not just the sun going down that night but all of my soul felt like it was drowning?
I remember wishing to hide behind the city walls just like the sun was; I remember wanting to disappear from the face of the earth when you told me we couldn’t be. I shivered and I gulped, I remember that I was scared.
What I don’t remember is seeing the reason as to why you did it. I don’t remember understanding. I took the pain and I took it hard. I fell sick and I cried for as long as my lungs could bear the short, bumpy breaths and I stayed in until my family dragged me out.
I remember all of it, the pain, the shock and the withdrawal. But I don’t remember understanding why you left me. I never tried to see reason in your cold decision.
I was blind
Just like you lose sight when someone puts a bright torch on your eyes, I was too blind when you put torch to our relationship and burned it to ashes. I was blind when I saw everything going to waste, when I realized that the time I spent with you was meaningless and I meant nothing.
I was blind when I saw you saying all those things without blinking even once and never stopping in between to show me that you felt sad too. I was blind all that time when you said you are going and when you really did go away. I was blind because I did not understand why you did what you did. – Continue reading on the next page
My friends and family tried to give me the reasons but it never felt right. He never loved you was what I interpreted from their closed words but I could not bring myself to believe it. I knew you loved me or, at least, some part of you did.
They told me that you had your fun and that was all you wanted from me but I did not believe them. There was something more to us than just fun; I had seen your eyes shining when you looked at me and I could tell that your smiles meant something all the way.
I was blind only after you left, before that, I saw everything and I could even look beyond what I saw. They told me you found someone else but I did not believe them. You held me close and I was important to you; I know it. I would have seen the uneasiness in your face if you had been betraying me because I was not blind back then; I could see and I could see clearly.
I knew the things they said were not true and that it was not because you were bored and empty of love that you ended it with me. I knew it was not true but, at the same time, I could not fathom why you ended it because, hey, I was blind.
I think I see it now
Now that a long time has passed since that sunset and since I am no longer scared, I think I can see it. Since it has been long since you put torch to my eyes and burned everything down, I think I have a clearer look at everything. With the ashes of what you burned down long blown away by the wind, I think I have revived my sight.
You left me because you did not want to be selfish. You were not the kind of person to waste anyone’s time and when you saw exactly that happening with me, you turned away. I see it now.В – Continue reading on the next page
When we had spent enough time together and you had fallen for me, you started thinking about the future with me. And just when you realized you could not give me a future, you decided to set me free. You set me free. That is what you did.
When you saw no end to the race we were running, you let me go so that I could run freely. You did not want to hold me back. That is what you did. You knew it would be evil to take me along, all the way, only to end it in nothing. You knew I would break down when, later, we would be left with nothing so you helped me in advance. That is what you did.
I knew you were never selfish. And even while breaking my heart you were doing me a favor. I did hate you while you did that favor and I hated you for a long time while loving you at the same time. I hated the fact that you were doing good without me, because you never tried to contact me again, while I cried and pushed myself in that terrible state of withdrawal. I hated until I understood why.
I am thankful
You did not contact me, but I know you were in pain. You were in pain and you were stronger than me. You were strong enough, even then, to do me the favor of leaving. I am so thankful to you now that I understand why you did it.
I am thankful now because I know I never would have healed so well if I had stayed with you any longer than I did. I am thankful because you let me choose a better life with more choice and options than I would have had if we had stayed together longer and then broken up.
I am thankful that you broke my heart that day while the sun was going down. I am thankful to you for saving me from a bigger, more severe heartbreak.