I Want To Wait Until I Really Understand What Love Is

I only want us to meet at the right time and the right place in our lives.

I don’t want to get into a relationship with you at such a young age. They say that puppy love is one of the cutest things in the world but I’m not buying any of it. I don’t really think that anyone could possibly expect us to make a mature relationship work between the both of us in our years at grade school. We’re still caught in the age of innocence and I would prefer not to cross paths with you at that point in time. I’m still too caught up with my Saturday morning cartoons, my coloring books, my homework, and my favorite dolls. You’re still probably too busy playing catch in the school yard with the other boys, collecting your favorite action figures, and watching your favorite superhero movies. In our very young years, we are still busy trying to make sense of a world that we’re slowly growing into. We don’t have the time nor the capacity that it takes to actually make a relationship work. 

I want us to cross paths and be in each other’s lives only when we’re ready to be in a relationship. Otherwise, it would all just be a real waste of time. And I don’t want to waste any time when it comes to you.

Fast forward to our high school years and I still wouldn’t want to have you in my life. There is just so much pressure for me at this time and I don’t think I would be able to handle that kind of stress in my life. I need to make sure that I’m exceptional in school because my parents expect that of me. I also want to make it easier on myself when the time comes where I have to start thinking about college. Remember, the best colleges don’t accept stupid people. I can’t afford to be left behind because I was distracted. I need to focus on my academics because this is for my own future.

I don’t want to be the girl that you take to prom with you. I’m fine with having another girl play that role in your life. Most of us know that you rarely ever end up marrying the person you go to prom with anyway. I’ll take my chances. I’m not in a rush. I’m willing to wait. While I know I’m missing out on important milestones with you by waiting, I also know that the wait is going to be worth it once we finally do cross paths at the right time. I might dabble into a few relationships or flings here and there too. I don’t want to be completely inexperienced before I meet you. Of course I’m going to want to expose myself to that world before I meet you. I might think that those relationships and flings are real while I’m in them, but in hindsight, I will always look at those as important steps that I needed to take towards meeting you. I might even have my heart broken along the way. I will get hurt and I will be sad during that time, but again, this is necessary pain. I need something to contrast what I really want out of love and relationships. – Continue reading on the next page

I don’t want to have our paths crossing in High School when I find you experimenting with some light drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I don’t want to meet you at an awkward phase in your life wherein you’re trying so hard to fit in; where you’re trying so hard to be edgy and cool. I know that at this point in your life, you want nothing more than to be liked and adored by your peers. I don’t want to have to meet you at a time in your life where you feel very insecure about who you are; and you feel like you have to change who you are in order to fit in better. 

I only want to meet you when you actually grow up; when you actually become a man who is confident in his own skin and who can stand on his own two feet. 

I don’t want our paths to cross in University as we’re going through our existential crises as young adults. I don’t want the emotional stress of establishing a new relationship to add on to the stress of having to figure out whether I enrolled in the right degree or not. I have a future to think about and maybe neither of us are ready to make love work. 

I only want us to meet at the right time and the right place in our lives. We have to understand that love alone can’t make a relationship work. We need to have good timing on our side. We need to be ready for it when it chooses to enter our lives. We can’t force the issue. So until we’re ready, I’ll be here waiting for you. 

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