I don’t have the time to be sad and devastated because I’m too busy being upset and angry.
I’m not doing it anymore. I’m never going to allow myself to lose valuable tears over a man who is just plainly undeserving of them. I’m no longer going to allow a man to break my heart in a way that destroys me. I am not going to allow myself to play the role of a victim ever again. I deserve to be more than that. I have to be more than that. I will never cry over a man who just brings me pain.
I am never going to give him that kind of pleasure. I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing that he is the reason for my tears. I will never let a man see me cry in front of them ever again because I know that that gives them a sense of power that they don’t really deserve to have in the first place. I’ve cried in front of one too many men in the past and I shouldn’t have let myself do that. I never want to put myself in a position wherein other people have to feel sorry for me. I never want to be that girl. I don’t want to play the part of the weakling. My vulnerability and sadness will never serve as ego boosters for a sick and sadistic man ever again.
There are so many other things in the world that are worthy of my compassion and empathy. There are many other things in the world that are deserving of my tears and an abusive and twisted man is not one of them. There are children who are starving in Africa who are more deserving of my emotional investment. There are senseless wars being fought in the Middle East that are more worthy of being stressed over. A man pales in comparison to those issues and I should know better. I should learn how to pick my spots.
In fact, I shouldn’t be crying at all because I’m not the one who lost him; he’s the one who lost me. He missed out on a great opportunity to be with an amazing girl who would have been willing to love him to all ends of the earth. He is the one who should be acting all emotional because he lost a quality girl who he never deserved to have in the first place. He’s the one who should be shedding tears over the thought of losing someone like me. I’m a once-in-a-lifetime kind of person and he probably already knows that by now.
I don’t have the time to be sad and devastated because I’m too busy being upset and angry. I shouldn’t be sad that a man chose to leave me and break my heart. I should be angry that such weird, manipulative, abusive, and toxic men exist in this world. I should be angry that these men will continue to act like jerks to so many helpless women if their actions will be left unchecked. I should be angry that I ever allowed myself to become a victim in the first place. I should be upset that I ever put myself in a position of such vulnerability.
Not to say that I wasn’t sad when he left. In the chaos of that emotional whirlwind that I had to go through, a lot of irrationality can get lost. Logic eluded me in the midst of all that pandemonium. I didn’t have time to think and I know better than to lie and say that I wasn’t sad. I was devastated. And that’s really a big part of why I’m angry now. I’m so mad at how I let you affect me so much to the point where you actually made me sad when I really should have been angry.
I’m not the problem and I never was. It was never my fault and that’s the most frustrating part about it. You were the cause of all the destruction and yet I’m still the one who ended up drawing the short straw. I was the one who ended up suffering more. I was the one who got shortchanged in the end. I did nothing wrong but I was the one who had to suffer the consequences. You were the reason that everything turned out the way they turned out; and yet, I’m the one who has to pick up after the mess you made.
I won’t promise that I’m never going to cry over a guy in the future because I know I probably will. But I do promise that whoever I cry over in the future is going to be a man who is really going to be worth my tears. This is a man who is going to be deserving of all the love and emotional investments that I make in him. I won’t ever cry for the man with the likes of you ever again.