You were the one who actually made me believe that the best kind of love is the love that takes you by surprise.
For the longest time, I have been yearning and searching for the kind of love that I could really call my own. There were so many years of me just having to constantly endure continuous disappointments. My life was a series of beautiful letdowns and I was getting tired of it. I hated being the one who constantly played the victim role. I had grown so tired of being that person who was known to be virtually incapable of sustaining a love or romance with anyone. I found myself putting so much effort into relationships that were beneath me; into relationships with people who didn’t deserve to have me. I had the grandest expectations and the noblest intentions. I always thought myself to be a person who was worthy of a grand kind of love and I clung to that hope like sticky paper. And it was because of my own expectations that I ended up experiencing so much heartbreak and disappointment. It was because of my hopes that I ended up on the losing end of the relationship every single time. My own sadness was brought about by my own unreasonable dreams and I just couldn’t help myself. I didn’t read to much into my personal romantic dreams at the time, but in hindsight, they played significant roles in how my love life eventually turned out.
It turns out that no matter how many times a person might get hurt; no matter how many failed relationships a person might have to go through; no matter how many hopeless moments a person might have to endure, it only takes one special person to make everything right again. It only takes the right person at the right moment to completely turn a person’s life around for the better. And that’s exactly what you did to me. It was as if you walked into my life and significantly split my existent into two significant phases. There was the first phase, before I met you where everything was bleak, dark, blurry, messy, and painful. Then the second phase was when you came along. The unfathomable, amazing, incredible you. And I have grown to rather despise the former phase for its sheer contrast with the latter. I could never imagine myself going back to a life without you. And it’s crazy how this defining shift of perspective in my life could be traced back to the day that I met you; how you were the one who got the ball rolling; and it’s as if the ball is never going to stop.
My closest friends always told me that I didn’t have to try so hard to search for love; they told me that it would just come knocking at my doorstep whenever the universe willed for it to do so. I was always told that I just have to be ready for it when it comes. I never believed in any of that until it really did happen to me.
You were the one who actually made me believe that the best kind of love is the love that takes you by surprise.
And it’s because of you that I no longer doubt myself or the idea of love anymore. You have completely shifted my worldview. You have given me new lenses with which to see the world. I no longer fear the pain that may come with opening myself up to being vulnerable. I no longer fear the betrayal that may arise with me opening up to you about my deepest and darkest musings. I no longer fear love because you just manage to make all of my fears go away. You do that with opening yourself up to me as well by making me feel comfortable and secure with you. You do that by showing me that you can also be vulnerable and emotional without fear or shame. You have shown me that you don’t doubt our love and our relationship’s place in the world. You have shown me that you are someone I can cunt on to always stay by my side at all times whether good or bad. I no longer fear the future because I know that there is no future where you and I are not together. Because of you, I no longer feel like I don’t have a place in the universe. Because of you, I have learned to really understand my self-worth.
But really, more than anything: it’s because of you that I learned that love is really at its best when it catches you by surprise. You really taught me that love isn’t something that should be forced or coerced. You taught me that love is something that comes when it’s supposed to come and not a moment sooner or later.
If one day when I was playing in the park I saw a girl but pretty and I liked her a lot but I never saw her again