Finances are one of the most important aspects of every relationship – especially a marriage. Every couple needs to be transparent and open about how they plan to manage finances; whether it’s together or separately, it needs to be discussed in an open discussion.
Today’s Reddit post comes from 420BAGIRL, who asked her question on AITA (Am I the A**hole?.) She said:
“Me f30 and my husband M32 have been married for 4 months. He likes to be independent in everything. Especially when it comes to money. He’s bad with money meaning he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying new things everyday.”
“I approached him with the idea of having a joint account. And he said okay. But sadly he took it as in his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that are expensive without evening running it through me. It was just like grab money and go spend it. Not okay because we have commitments.”
“I talked to him. His response’s that since his money’s in that account meaning he doesn’t have to tell me about where he spends it because technically…it’s his money. He admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; In his words ‘am I crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of wether they were married or not?'”
“We decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. He agreed long as he could buy whatever he want with his money.”
“Last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. I assumed each of us pay for our own meals. We arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. When it was time for paying. I asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. He said ‘You’re not gonna pay for my meal too?’ I told him it’s his decision that each of us pay for everything ‘individually’. Told him this is what separate finances means. He got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn’t think I’d actually decline to pay. So it’s fair that I pay for dinner? After he argued and threw a fit I just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean.”
“He came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. He said I shouldn’t have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. I told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what I did and how unacceptable it was.”
“After that I took some time to calm down. We had a talk this morning and when I suggested therapy first thing he said ‘Okay, But who’s paying?’ Then reminded me of what I did and how unacceptable it was. He keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize.”
“In case our jobs are relevent: I’m a secretary and He’s a Police Officer.
The Responses
Reddit’s community came to this woman’s defense. They showed unanimous support for what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:
drbeerologist commented:
“NTA but jeez, how did it get to this point? What was the financial discussion like before marriage? I mean, if this isn’t resolved somehow the marriage will fall apart.”
Bearmancartoons wrote:
“Completely NTA. Sadly most couples wait until after marriage to discuss finances.”
“- What happens when one of you starts earning more than the other?”
“- What happens when you have kids?”
“Definitely he needs therapy to understand how/why he needs to spend every dollar he earns. As well as you both need financial planning. Potentially the best response is that each of you has to put in X% of your salary to a joint account that covers, rent, utilities, emergency fund and other household expenses (groceries, etc). Anything left he can spend as he wishes without question from you and you the same.”
Quirky_Bumblebee_461 chimed in:
“NTA. But money issues cause about 40% of divorces. Good luck.”
This post has over 1.7k comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
We don’t think this wife did anything wrong – NTA. As we mentioned before, this couple needs financial transparency.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this wife’s story? Share your take in the comments below!
Source: Reddit
The wife is NTA. You both should go to finance/budget classes. Have a joint account for household expenses and separate accounts for personal expenses. My fear is he would dip into household expenses for whatever he likes when his account runs dry. He needs an allowance. So I would keep his name off household account, and your account. And he contributes to household account and has his own personal account.. You need to handle the purse strings because he obviously can’t handle the responsibility. Kinda scarey he’s a cop who can’t handle responsibility.
I don’t believe in airing marital issues in public, which is basically what happened. She’s NTA but if it were me, I would have paid his tab and then taken it up with him once they were in private. I would also refuse to go anywhere with him if it involved money.