Cheating is an incredibly tough and painful experience to go through. Today’s story is about a wife who got cheated on and divorced her husband. Her ex-husband had a baby during his affair and the other woman passed away.
The Story
Reddit user, Honest-Wish7885, shared her painful and difficult story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to ask whether she’s being a jerk for not wanting to take care of her ex’s affair baby. She wrote:
“My ex-husband and I divorced four years ago because he cheated. He had an affair baby (Juniper, 3yoF) with the other woman but Juniper’s mom passed away when she was 1yo. Aside from my ex-husband and his family, she doesn’t have anyone else because her mom grew in the system.”
“He and I have 4 kids (Joshua 20M, Cassidy16F, Nate 11M and Jacob 8M), when we divorced Joshua cut him off and Cassidy followed him soon after, they don’t visit him anymore and has never met Juniper, he has always blamed me for that because ‘I kept his children away’, he might be an awful husband and partner, but he’s an awesome dad, I’ll give him that much.”
“Nate and Jacob still visits him and are close with his baby, I tried once to take the three of them out when she was younger but it wasn’t for me, I know she’s blameless but I can’t separate her from my ex’s betrayal, so know every time I pick Nate and Jacob up I try not to engage much. If she says hi, I say hi back, if she waves, I do too, but nothing more.”
“Now, every time I pick them up, she starts to mumble ‘mama, mama’, I’ve tell her things like ‘No Juniper, I’m not your mom’, ‘Call me [my name], I’m fine with that’, las time she actually ran at me calling me mama and began to cry when I didn’t pick her up and took her with me. Listen, I don’t think my ex is telling her to call me mom, but that’s how Nate and Jacob acts (specially Jacob, he runs at me saying ‘mom! mom!’ and hugs me, so I guess she’s copying his behavior). Yesterday my sons spent Easter with my ex’s family, and Juniper ran at me again, I said hi and my ex asked for a second which I said yes.”
“He basically told me that seeing me picking the boys up, being affectionate and loving with them is confusing and hurting Juniper, she’s a baby and she doesn’t understand what’s happening, so he asked me if I could just take her with me for a few days like I do with the boys and maybe, over the time, let her call me mom. I said absolutely no, that I’m sorry for Juniper, but that I won’t be playing mom with her and that I’m only keeping a relationship with both of them because of our son’s. He called me heartless and pointed out how she cries when I leave without her but I said that it wasn’t my problem and that he should deal with that. He later sent a video of Juniper crying by the door and said ‘I hope you’re happy’ so.. AITA? I mean I know it’s not her fault, but isn’t mine either.”
The Responses
Everyone on Reddit supported her for what she’s doing. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
JennieSimms said:
“It’s a shame you can’t divorce him twice.”
“NTA”
Lacroix24601 wrote:
“NTA. Your ex has his own special seat in hell for his manipulation of this situation. Yes, the child is blameless but your ex made his bed, now he gets to lie in it. And I’ll bet 100 Reddit dollars that he doesn’t actually GAF about ‘how sad Juniper is’, he just wants a break from being a full time parent and is trying to weasel that break from you.”
Awkward-Wasabi-9262 commented:
“NTA but there is another, simpler solution here. Let him pick up and drop off his sons while someone watches Juniper at home. Poor little girl. My heart goes out to her. But it also goes out to you, OP. This isn’t a mess of your making. No reason for anyone to stick the broom and dustpan in your hand for the clean up”
This post has over 3000 comments at the time of writing this article, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
Definitely NTA. We’re very saddened by the little girl’s situation because she’s innocent in this entire ordeal but it’s also not this woman’s duty to fake being a mother when she doesn’t want to.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this woman’s story? Share your take in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
How could anyone refuse the love of a child? Christ said to suffer the little ones to come unto him, for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Do not harm one of these little ones, it would be better to have a millstone around one’s neck. The love the little girl has for other humans should not be spurned. To give love despite the circumstances, it the testimony one has of belonging to God. In this world, what we do with others is of great consequence. Forgiveness is the ability to overcome hurts. If the xwife were to show love to the little girl, it would help her forgive the circumstances. We have to realize that God wanted her on the face of the earth, even if the circumstances makes one uncomfortable. If we don’t love people we do see, how can we say we love God, whom we don’t see. We see God’s love when we see the x wife, saying and doing for the little girl, what her mother would have done, had she lived. The x wife has life, so she should share it with the little girl.
Definitely NTA!!!
I have been in this situation where dad wanted me to parent his son with other woman. I didn’t miss treat him because I know it wasn’t his fault. I just couldn’t do it. Every time I looked at his son I saw his betrayal yes I felt bad for the kid but his father was never a father to my daughter either. It was just like a slap in the face especially since I loved his daddy so much for him to do this to us. Its hard to decide what to do. Because it seems that certain people don’t care about your feelings and that of the child.
I would do it. I know it’s emotional because of what the husband did, but that little girl needs guidance and love from a mother figure and who better to give it to her than her sibling’s mom. It’s not the child’s fault and we live in a world where everyone makes mistakes. God loves everyone good and bad, and we should do our best to do the same.
Personally I would take her for a little outing with the other children,but not overnight,children are the innocent ones!!! The father should take her over to a grandmothers house ,for female interaction or get a female babysitter! The poor baby probably misses her mother how sad! And personally uou need to forgive the ex so you can move forward and not live in the past!
It is a very sad situation and the baby is faultless as is the ex wife here. Cheating especially in this situation brought a lot of pain. The baby doesn’t understand in the least. When I left my ex (he cheated) our daughter was 6 months old, it was a lot of pain he put not only me but, our baby and my 2 young teens ( from my ex husband) . When our daughter was 8 he found out “surprise” he had a set of twins (boy & girl) by this time healing had taking place so, when I’d pick up my daughter from her Dads after his visit her baby sister would want me to pick her up and cry when I left even want to go with us ❤️ . I was always kind to her always. It was a reminder they were from infidelity too and understood. My situation is a bit different but, I do understand and this Mom is not a jerk for no wanting to bond how could she? I’m a Preschool Teacher it is normal for toddlers to form an attachment to some adults. In this situation it’s understandable there’s too much pain. Her ex husband made his bed and he needs to comfort this baby not expect his ex wife to be her Mother because she’s not. Sounds like he just want to pull his ex wife into parenting this child, why? As for forcing it telling her the babies crying, upset sends video of this shame on him. He can’t expect his ex to be the babies Mommy. He needs to take care of his baby alone not bring his ex into it.
You can’t punish the baby for the sins of the dad but I would hurt him in his pocket book. Charge him a pretty penny for day- care of the little girl and accept the “Love Child.”
NTA! I agree with Awkward-Wasabi-9262. Have him pick the boys us at their home! There’s no need to hurt the little girl, your ex is a user and trying to get to you thru her.
Being a momma is not based on who gave birth to you. Loving this child might heal your heart. At some point, your heart will soften again. You sound like an amazing momma. Perhaps letting go of your hurt for a few days, could change all of your lives. My biological parents both married multiple times. I did not grownup knowing most of my family. I have been blessed to be loved by others. Biology was never a requirement. Kindness is free. I remember over hearing someone point out ; my NOT belonging. I was only 9 the overwhelming sadness palpable. We had attended a
funeral for a great aunt. My brother & I spent weeks at her home during summer. I was devastated. My world was shattered. I ask about what was said. But grownups aren’t always forthcoming with their answers. Children do not need words to feel rejection. They do need action to know love. The only thing a child wants is your attention. I think, as adults we forget how it feels to be “safe, and happy”, merely, because we are with someone. Who’s showing us unfiltered love, compassion, and heart felt tenderness.
Loving ourselves requires us to let go of the bad stuff. Not to forget it. Don’t hold it so close to your heart. You no longer have room for love.
I understand that it’s not her daughter and that her husband had an affair and had this baby but it’s not the baby’s fault to treat her that way.
The child is innocent I personally wouldn’t refer to her as the “affair baby.”
But she is also not your responsibility. I can totally see why you divorced the husband but you’re in the right NOT to be manipulated by him and his antics. But I’ll also say this, God..the universe… whatever you call him or it has a way of changing you and softening your heart. You never know, you may grow to love that child one day because she will love you. That’s certainly a test of the human spirit. However, yoi are WELL within your rights to say NO!
Definitely NTA. What you went through is an incredibly painful and traumatizing experience and no one has the right to guilt you for the hurt that has been done. While we are not responsible for the hurt others cause us we are all responsible for our own healing and growth. Personally I would love to hear that you healed and grew so much that you were in such a state that this little girl was not such a reminder of suffering and hurt. Not only for your sake but also because such a place could potentially be an opportunity for further healing and/or a potentially incredible relationship for both you and Juniper if given the chance. I believe such a state could be an incredibly powerful place should you chose but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting that either.
I’m really sorry what you went through with your failed relationship. For what you mentioned, your ex is a great father besides his behavior as a husband. You also mention baby Juniper has no one in this world, other than her dad and brothers (your kids). She is just a baby in need of the warmth of a mother, even animals as babies do that, looking for love and protection. Her mother passed away, so she’s not in the picture anymore. There’s always blessings in disguise and the universe works in mysterious ways, maybe God put this baby girl in your way for you to do what you do best, being a mother. Her father can love her and support her as much as wants, but the place of a mother is irreplaceable, and she’s trying to find that in you. I unfortunately grew up in a similar situation, and I can tell you that her little heart doesn’t understand of rejection when looking for a love she can’t find, she’ll grow up thinking something is wrong with her, when she really was just another victim of the circumstances. I hope God gives you the strength you need to share all the love you have in your heart. Blessed be 🙏❤️
I like the solution one reader posted, the ex-husband can pick up his boys while someone watches his daughter and drop them off as well. Less confusion for the little girl that way. He made the mistake and she shouldn’t have to suffer for it. Hopefully, he’ll find a new girlfriend who will take on the Mom role.
She’s definitely the a**hole. how would she like her kids to be treated this way if it happened to them? Do onto others as you would have others do onto you.
So maybe she should of cheated and got pregnant by another man? She wouldnt be in this situation if a man knew how to lead a household with his head and not his dick. Of course a dude would say a comment like this.
I don’t know whether or not you are a believer, but if you are, what would Jesus do? Let that be your conscious
.
I agree have your pick up and drop the boys off. My other question is how is the little girl treated if she runs to you to call you mom, or is she mimicki ng?
Feel sorry for both the ex wife and the little girl. Ghe ex husband created this mess and he is totally out of order.