Sometimes, it’s important for you and your partner to compare yourselves to one another so that you’re always keeping each other in check. It’s a way of making yourselves accountable to one another. However, there also such a thing of comparing yourselves to one another too much to the point that it becomes overly competitive.
And that isn’t going to be good for a relationship. Instead of having compassion for one another, everything turns into a competition. And the thing about competition is that it might breed resentment, anger, disappointment, and contempt. These are toxic feelings that could potentially destroy a relationship.
You should always be able to recognize whenever you have a partner who is acting overly competitive. And once you do, you also need to know what you can do to remedy the situation. Here are just some of the signs that your partner might be overly competitive in your relationship:
1. There is a lack of “we” in your relationship.
Instead of revering to yourselves as “we” or “us”, your partner always has a tendency to use singular pronouns. And while it’s okay to maintain individuality in a relationship, it’s always dangerous when singularity seems to be the norm.
2. They always need to “win” and keep score with you.
They constantly feel it necessary to win whatever arguments that they might have with you. Even when they might know that they’re wrong, they still try to find a way to be right. And they like to keep score with you. It may not be a running tally, but they still stay aware of the times they have bested you in the past.
3. They have a tendency to belittle your success.
Whenever you manage to amass some success for yourself, they don’t really become happy for you. Instead, they play it off as if what you have accomplished is simple and easy. They try to belittle what you’ve done so that they don’t feel like you are generally outshining them.
4. They guilt you for taking more responsibility at work.
Whenever you start finding lots of success at work, they make you feel bad for it. They will guilt you by saying that you’re spending too much time at your job. But that’s wrong. You should never feel guilty about wanting to pursue success in your career unless you’re completely abandoning all other responsibilities you might have.
5. They try to outdo you at every turn.
Whenever you do something that is noteworthy, they will automatically try to outdo you. They can never just be happy for you whenever you find success. They will always try to insert themselves into the narrative somehow. They will find a way to just outshine you so that they are still in the spotlight.
6. You get the feeling that they’re trying to sabotage your success somehow.
It might not always be so obvious but sometimes, there will be a few overly competitive partners who will look to sabotage the people they are in relationships with. They do this because they don’t want to end up having to deal with them amassing more success and recognition.
7. They like highlighting your flaws and mistakes.
They are always going to pounce on all of your flaws and mistakes. Even when they are very minor, they will always try to blow things out of proportion. They will make it seem like you are one incredibly flawed individual. They do this so that the world won’t see you as someone who is worth looking up to or admiring.
8. They scold you whenever you screw up.
They treat you like a child whenever you screw up in the relationship. Instead of treating you with love or sympathy, they will try to belittle you and make you feel worse about yourself. They will try to really make you feel bad about whatever blunder you might have committed.
9. They find happiness in your suffering.
In fact, they might even take some pleasure in watching you fail. Even though it’s practically killing you on the inside to know that you’ve come up short, they’re going to be secretly happy about it. They’re going to mildly love the fact that you might not necessarily have a better life than them.
10. They don’t act completely honest in your relationship.
They hide things from you. They lie to you and they deceive you. They withhold the truth from you. This is another form of sabotage. They don’t give you all the details so that you aren’t really given all of the tools that you need to find success in this life.
What to do about it:
Just talk to your partner. Open up to them about how you feel. Make them more aware of their destructive behavior. Make sure that they understand why their competitiveness is actually killing the relationship.