You no longer have to be walking on eggshells around someone. You don’t always have to be looking around your shoulder. You can choose to just be yourself and that you’re going to be fine.
It was a blissful beginning and a tragic ending. Of course it started out fine. No one ever goes into a relationship expecting it to be the worst. Things just happen. Events take their place and then they snowball into a magnificent avalanche that best represents the state of a relationship. Yes, you had all of the best intentions going into the relationship. You thought your love was genuine and it probably was for a brief moment in time. You thought you were going to last forever, and maybe you had a chance, but things have changed since then. You thought you could be happy together but history tells us otherwise. You were dead set on the idea that the both of you were meant to be together. You thought that you were nearing perfection as a couple. You thought that it was going to be a relationship of perpetual sunshine and smiles. Nobody could have prepared you for the darkness that awaited you. Nobody could have prepared you for the torment that you were about to go through.
By the end of it all, you decided that enough was enough. You gave all of the love that you had left to give in the relationship and things still didn’t work out the way that you wanted them to. You wanted so much to pursue the happiness that continued to elude you on a daily basis. You felt like you were denied the opportunity of eternal joy, comfort, and security in your relationship. You were fed all of the flowery promises and proclamations of love. You discovered that perhaps you could be happier on your own. You discovered that perhaps the chemistry just wasn’t there anymore. You decided that maybe the love that you had for each other wasn’t enough to overcome all of your issues. You were sure that relationships didn’t have to be so hard and that you were practically exhausted by the end of it all. And lastly, you decided that your freedom wasn’t worth giving up for whatever it is your relationship offered you.
You were in a toxic relationship and you know it. Things didn’t turn out the way that you wanted them to. Your expectations were far from being met. Instead of the promises of smiles, laughter, and bliss, you were given tears, grunts, and heaps of sighs. You were manipulated. You were abused. You were humiliated. You looked for someone to blame. You needed something or someone to be angry with. You know that everyone saw your epic downfall. You are downright ashamed. You felt like you hit rock bottom and you didn’t know how to pick yourself back up. But you eventually found your way out of it. You gathered the strength to say that you had had enough. You called things off and you walked away. You don’t care what others have to say. You don’t care if people think that you didn’t try hard enough. You know that it was something that you had to do for the sake of yourself. You know that you were always your own priority and you had to protect your own heart. You knew the potential damages that would ensue if you stayed with someone you just weren’t meant to be with. You knew you deserved better.
And so here you are now. You have a blank slate to work with. You have a new beginning ahead of you. You have so many opportunities to pursue the things that you weren’t able to pursue in the past. You are allowed a different kind of selfishness now that you’re no longer in a toxic relationship. Yes, you were selfish in your relationship, but it was a different kind of selfish. You always chose to give in to your delusions of grandeur; to your senseless hope. You were always stubborn and you didn’t give yourself what you needed because you were too caught up with what you wanted. But now you know that what you want and what you need don’t necessarily have to be different things. You know that you need a new start and you know that you want it for yourself too. It’s okay for you to love yourself in that sense. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that.
You don’t have to worry yourself with the stresses that a toxic relationship can bring to your life. You no longer have to be walking on eggshells around someone. You don’t always have to be looking around your shoulder. You can choose to just be yourself and that you’re going to be fine. It can be scary to go back into life as a single person, but you have to be confident in the choice that you made. You chose to save yourself and you should never have to regret that decision. Own it. Live your life. Love yourself.