A young mom is furious at her retired mother, who refused to babysit her newborn grandchild unless she is paid $20 per hour. Mom bans daughter from seeing grandma, insisting that her mother should have shown more willingness to help without expecting payment. The tension between them has escalated, leaving the daughter feeling torn between her loyalty to her mother and her own need for support. As the standoff continues, she wonders if their relationship can ever return to normal.
Sharing on Reddit’s AITA platform, this 29-year-old woman from the US asked people if she TA for asking her mom to babysit her child while she goes back to her 9-5 job.
“I (29f) asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then,” she wrote.
OP wrote that her mother refused to babysit her kid and said she was too old to do that.
“She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.”
The new mom noted that she earns more than her husband, and since they both were in debt, she can’t become a stay-at-home mother at this point.
“We are just coming out of a pandemic, going into a possible recession, there and there is no way me and my partner can make it financially on one income. I make $55k/yr, but have $39k in student loans + $20k in other debt (credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit).”
She further explained, “My partner makes about $36k/yr, and has $5k in credit card debt. I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only i have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat.”
She said of her living situation, “We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space.”
However, to her surprise, her mother told her that if she wanted her to babysit her newborn baby, she would charge her $20 per hour. And if she gets late in picking up her baby from her mom’s house, she would also have to pay late fees. This revelation made her realize that babysitting expectations for new parents could often be quite surprising and financially challenging. It was a stark reminder that even family arrangements could come with hidden costs and obligations. She began to wonder how other new parents navigated similar discussions and whether they faced the same financial pressures.
“She also said we must provide her with a car seat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house. She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she’s come in once, and I’ve lived with my partner for 5 years; she’s a 15min drive away).”
OP said that she wanted to save money to pay off her debt and eventually get a new bigger place for her family, so she didn’t want to pay her mom the amount of money she was demanding.
“I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule.”
At the end of her post on Reddit, she asked fellow Redditors if she was TA for asking her mom a favor. She also noted that her mom, 62, does nothing at home besides watching TV and cooking meals.
Her post on Reddit was responded to by a large number of people and the majority sided with the grandmother.
“YTA: sorry to be blunt and rude but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always go back to work you should of discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom,” one wrote.
“The mom is 64. She watches tv and cooks…because she’s retired!!!!! Childcare is a very demanding job,” a second chimed in.
“The audacity to neglect her mother’s time.”She doesn’t do anything” : CAUSE SHES 64!!! Doesn’t matter if her mom is an AH in general lol, but who in their right minds have a baby when you can’t afford bigger housing than a 1 bedroom?” someone commented.
“YTA.. you talk about your mom having spent x amount of years raising children in a way that implies that’s all she’s good for and her current life isn’t important, like, it’s a throwaway, so she may as well raise your kid for you for free. Dude…” another said.
What are your thoughts on this OP’s story? Let us know in the comments.
Source: Reddit
Grandmom it’s a blessing be around with your generation and make memories together but instead the baby will make memories with a strangers that maybe can hurt him or her. What kind of love of mother is that so sad
I just do not understand any mother, who would not go above and beyond to help out their own children. And their grandchildren? She would prefer strangers take care of her sweet, sweet grandchild. This is one selfish woman.
Childcare is hard work. An occasional night out or weekend babysitting by Grandma is welcomed as a treat 4-5 times a month. But 5 days a week, that’s not fair (20 days) to those Grandmas either. Figure it out. Helping in a pinch because baby is sick for a few days, is a yes, but no on babysitting full time. Our younger generation expects things for free. This is not helping this is entitled.
I agree!
While I fon’t think the poster should just expect her mother to watch her baby, I think the grandma is kinda TA for asking $20.00 an hour. She is definitely trying to cheat her daughter out of money, and is greedy. Not the kind of grandma I would want my kids being around for sure, as she seems to look at the baby as a monry making opportunity.
I absolutely agree as the mum I would have offered to pay her something.I currently look after my grandchild for nothing say on an average of say 10 hours a week but my daughter is aware of what I do and she helps me out with petrol and occasional groceries and also a meal out occasionally. Thats how it should be but not everyone feels this way. The mum needs to realise its a 2 way street you both help each other realising that both parties need help .
People are amazing sometimes and not in a good way. My mother and mother in law make sure to tell me from day one that they were not going to babysit, that they’ve already raised their kids and I agree now 100%. My mother in law I had to pay to babysit and guess what? I only did it like two times which was the purpose of charging. I believe that if you cannot afford to have a child you have no business having one. Her husband makes very little, maybe that money to raise a child should go to him to go back to school so he can get a higher paying job and they should safe. But basically they had a baby counting on someone else paying the price to have a child. When my daughter was born I realized how expensive kids were and how expensive day care is so guess what I did? I only had one child and it was the best decision of my life. Because of my decision even after divorce I have been able to take care of her and work. But more and more I see people having children that they cannot afford and that is why there are so many divorces. So no, the grandmother is not the ‘A, OP is for making plans counting on someone else bailing her out!