Man Asks If He’s Wrong for Telling His Girlfriend “It’s His Money” When His Ex Wanted to Borrow Some

When lovers end things, they still have a lot of memories that they will remember forever. A lot of sweet moments are hard to forget and move on from – such moments remind you to be there for them even if they’re not in your life anymore. Such is today’s story.

The Story – A Hardworking Ex Needs Help

Redditor, cartroubles, shared his story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to ask whether he did the right thing or not when he told his girlfriend “it’s his money” when his ex wanted some financial help. He wrote:

“Before anyone says anything, my ex is a hardworking mom and the few times she’s borrowed money from me, she always paid me back in full. We also share custody of our 8 year old daughter.”

“The past months have been very difficult since she lost her job in July. She started getting back on her feet though and found a new job.”

“But today she told me there’s a problem with her car’s radiator and is stressed because she doesn’t have the money to fix it. So I offered to pay whatever the cost is to get it fixed or replaced.”

“Honestly I make a lot more money and my job is pretty much secure. Spending a little over a thousand bucks (or less depending on what the mechanic says) wouldn’t affect me at all. My ex swore she would pay me back and she’s taking her car to the mechanic this weekend since her mom is letting her borrow her car for the week only.”

“When I told my girlfriend what happened, she asked me why I didn’t talk to her first before offering to pay for her car. I told her it didn’t feel necessary to talk to her about it beforehand because this was something my ex needed and it’s not like I’m giving her a lot.”

“Then she asked if she’s (my ex) even gonna pay me back and I said ofc she is because she has before. For whatever reason she was still bothered over this so I asked what was wrong. My girlfriend admitted she doesn’t like that I’m helping her out when I have no obligation to her and what happens in her life doesn’t affect me.”

“Seriously she was making it sound like I pay all her bills when in reality she’s only asked to borrow money twice in the last 6 years when she really needed the help and it was never more than a few hundred bucks.”

“I was starting to get mad by now and I said what happens in her life affects my daughter and that does affect me. If she doesn’t have a car, she can’t work or pick up my daughter, she could lose her job, no longer afford to pay rent where she lives so my daughter will have to stay with me and not be able to see her mom as often until she gets a new place.”

“My girlfriend tried to argue but I told her I don’t know why we’re even fighting about this when it’s my money and if I want to use it to help her out I have a right to. She stopped talking after that completely caught off guard by what I said and walked off still mad. We haven’t talked in a few hours and I’m wondering if throwing it at her face that it’s my money we’re talking about was a bit too far.”

“It’s one thing if it was a lot of money that would hurt us financially but it’s literally nothing. But still, was I TA?”

He updated the post with an edit to add some more context.

“Edit: have gotten asked this and figured it’s important information. My girlfriend and I do not have a joint account or share finances. Obviously if I knew it affected us both I would’ve checked in with her first.”

The Responses

Everyone on Reddit supported him for what he did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments and responses:

MaximusIsKing said:


“You’re not just helping a random ex- this is the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD. If she does well, your kid does well. If she needs help or is in trouble, it will affect your kid.”

“Clearly you have a respectful relationship and she doesn’t take advantage of you- and that’s the key here.”

“You need to have a chat with your gf- if this isn’t something she can understand I don’t see this going anywhere because you’ll always be tied to your ex and she needs to get over that.”

readyforactionplease commented:

“NTA. You’re committed to your ex for at least 18.75 years because you have a child together. No matter what happened between you as a couple, it sounds as though you have a good co-parenting relationship. That is what matters. By loaning your ex the money to fix her car, you are helping your child and showing them that you can love and respect their mom without being a couple. If you had shared expenses/finances, lived together, and were on a budget, I would say that you should at least consult your current gf before spending the money. You don’t have any of those things. A gf that is so jealous of the mother of your child needs to learn how to truly cope and be understanding of the importance of the relationship you have with your child and, by default, your ex. I don’t think you should end the relationship off this one experience, but I would think long and hard when making any major decisions about your future together.”

Mesapholis spoke facts:

“Read until ‘my gf asked me why I didn’t first consult her’ That gf is reaching. Excuse me, do you share an account where your gf is paying into? No? Maybe she should shut up then. Thanks.”

“It is good that you are on such good terms with your ex and for your child’s sake.”

“Throw that whole gf away, she seems entitled”

Cocoasneeze wrote:


“Your ex is not asking help to go on a holiday, she’s asking for your help to fix her car. And you’re correct, if your ex doesn’t have a working car, it affects your daughter. Your job as a parent is to put your daughter’s needs first, which you’re doing.”

“I think you need to have an honest talk with your girlfriend what a relationship with you, a man with a daughter with his ex, looks like. The ex IS always going to be in your life, and you and your ex determine how you work as co-parents. If it means you helping her out if she needs money, or vice versa, her helping you out when you need it, can your girlfriend accept it. Your child has to be your #1, so how does your girlfriend handle that? Are you two on the same page re: your relationship and your personal priorities?”

Throwaway48382838 commented:

“NTA. You made sure your daughters mother had a safe reliable car. No you’re not legally obligated to do that but morally you did the right thing. If your ex doesn’t take advantage of you and it doesn’t hurt you financially what really is the issue? There’s no reason your relationship with her should be or has to be strained. Being nice and helpful also makes co parenting easier and in turn your daughters life better. You should address this early in your relationship in no uncertain terms that you’re not willing to be difficult or cold to your ex and cause difficulties for your daughter just to appease her insecurities.”

This post has over 600 comments, you can read them on Reddit here.

What’s Your Take?

What’s your take on this man’s story? Share your take in the comments below.

Source: Reddit

1 comment
  1. Tell your girlfriend to STFU. It’s your money and none of her damn business. If she bitches, kick her ass out the door.

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