We’ve emphasised the importance of financial clarity and transparency in relationships time and again – it’s one of the most viral parts of every happy relationship. And once a relationship is over, it’s over in every aspect – exes can not expect their past partners to help them out financially. Such is today’s story.
The Story – An Ex Needs Money
“So my ex and I are still friends a year and a half later. We were engaged and she chose to end the relationship. She has always made poor financial decisions while I am frugal and invest. Financially speaking I’m ok for my age. She has a negative balance in her bank account currently and is begging me for money for gas cuz I’m doing well. As we are broken up I don’t feel I really owe her anything. Especially after I moved out of our apartment, post breakup, I continued to pay rent until the lease was up.”
“I told her to speak to her family and ask but her mother reportedly cut her off. I suggested her siblings. She is also seeing a new guy who “loves her” and she is planning to move in with him once her lease is up. I suggested asking him; apparently he doesn’t have a job, day trades, and has child support so can’t help her.”
“Her birthday is coming up and I offered to buy her dinner since she is so strapped for cash. However she demanded $100 dollars. Her mother had just given her money for gas a few days earlier. A full tank should last hundreds of miles so she can make it through the work week and reach paycheck day on friday. When I asked why she was out of gas already she said she had to buy groceries. The guy she is seeing is in Connecticut so she wasted it driving out to him. I know this cuz she posted a pic of them together.”
“I said no to just giving her $100. I suggested she do an alternative means of transportation to work if money is an issue. I bike alot and suggested that. She cursed me out and blocked me.”
“Tldr: Ex-Fiancee wants a $100 for gas and I said no.”
“Edit: I might be the a**hole cuz she is a friend in dire financial straits and I could easily give her the $100 knowing I’d never be paid back.”
Reddit’s community fully supported this man for holding standing his ground. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:
No-Jellyfish-1208 talked facts:
“She is your ex, you don’t have any obligation towards her. Heck, even if she was your best friend, you still can refuse to lend the money.”
pepperbeast kept it short and sweet:
“NTA. She’s your ex, not your partner, and it’s not a dire emergency, so I don’t see why you should give her anything.”
“NTA. Her ‘dire financial straights’ are her own choices. Driving out of state and using up her gas on a social visit and not leaving gas to get to her job was HER CHOICE and absolutely irresponsible. It would be different if she was only using money on absolute necessities and was still short (and even then, not at all your responsibility! Period.)”
“Also she says her mother cut her off but her mother also recently filled her gas tank? So is she lying or did her mother cut her off for being irresponsible about the gas she had provided? Her mother absolutely did the right thing cutting her off if your ex isn’t lying about being cut off to begin with.”
“Your ex doesn’t want to be financially responsible for her own life and doesn’t want to face the consequences of her own decisions. She’s an adult and needs to figure that out on her own. In no way is this your responsibility. Friends don’t bankroll friends just because they can afford to. If she needed the gas for work she should have stayed home not visited new boyfriend. Then she blocks you for not allowing her to treat you like a bank. Pretty clear you dodged a bullet when you guys broke up.”
The__Riker__Maneuver gave some sage advice:
“If you give her money she will constantly ask for more”
“Unfortunately…you may have to cut her off completely”
“This person doesn’t want help or advice, she just wants someone to take care of her. That’s the only reason she still talks to you my friend”
“But end that ‘friendship'”
“Its one sided and reaks of toxicity. She has the audacity to ask you for cash after she ended sh*t.”
“There’s a difference between being nice and being taken for a ride. For your own sake give this closure”
“NTA she is your ex, not your current. I hope you know somewhere inside that she is just using you for your wallet at this point. I guess if you really want to be the ‘good guy’ then look at this as a way to help her realize where rock bottom is. And still don’t give her any money.”
You can read all of the comments on Reddit here.
Most definitely NTA. You’re not an a-hole because you don’t want to give $100 to your ex who definitely has some serious finance management issues. We hope you find someone better in the future.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this man’s situation? Share your take in the comments below.