We’re all familiar with the phrase, ‘if you love something, set it free’,however, there’s a huge difference between being familiar with something and believing in it. Mainstream media has ‘planted’ this thought in our minds that true love always perseveres because at the end of the movie, the soul mates finally get their happily ever after.
People, nowadays, are starting to feel like all of them are exactly like the couple they saw in that specific movie (there are so many of these clichs). The truth is, whoever keeps you hanging onto the idea of them possibly loving you back by a thread isn’t worth waiting for at all. It’s better that they’re free and so are you.
1. The difference between love and the possibility of love.
You took a long time to finally confront your feelings about someone and when you did tell them, instead of replying with a sign of hope or of no hope, they just showed you a glimmer of dense light, ‘maybe’. Maybe should never even be an option to begin with. True, you took time and so would they. If they tell you that they want time, give it but be aware of the difference between taking time and them placing you on standby.
I know a lot of people are naive enough to believe that patience is the biggest sacrifice they can give. True, very true but patience for what? For the possibility of them ever liking you or of them not? You have absolutely no clue.
Love is nothing if not sacrifice; time, money, job etc but never self-respect. You agreed to them taking time to ‘figure things out’ but does that give them the right to ignore your presence all together? You obviously wouldn’t have even addressed the situation if you hadn’t seen some signals from their side as well. So why won’t they just get it over with, even a no brings more peace than a maybe.
2. The impact it has.
After you assure yourself that there is a ‘chance’, you are constantly checking to see if the chance will be in your favour or not. You stalk them, find out whom amongst their acquaintances might steal that chance away from you. Wonder if their Facebook status might indirectly be about you.
Take a second to look at yourself in the mirror right now. No one can judge you better than yourself. Now, honestly tell yourself whether this is affecting you in all the wrong ways or not? You’re someone who’s been on the hook for months or maybe even years and refusing to let it go because there’s a ‘chance’.
3. Diminishing self-respect.
Just for that one person who isn’t humane enough to give you a straightforward answer, you refuse or disregard any chance you have at another relationship which is better than the one you’ve been making up in your head.
You tell yourself of all the thing’s you’ll do once they say yes, of all the ways you’ll woe them into saying yes and how YOU are the lucky one here. You set them free now let it stay that way, you need to set yourself free as well. You’re losing your self-respect and dignity just by standing around waiting for a relationship you’ve made up as the best thing in the world.
4. And if they do come back.
So after months and months of putting you in the middle ground, they do come back to you and confess that they’ve felt the exact same all this time. NEVER be fooled by this. Ask yourself this: so all this time you’ve made me wait, you meant to say yes? Then why the wait?
Your ‘loved one’ has been pulling you by a string to keep you as their plan-b (or whatever other alphabetically listed plan you are) should things not go right with someone else. Where’s the love in that?
5. Reinventing the phrase.
Freeing someone and then cutting your own wings to make sure you’re at the same point till they take all the time they want isn’t what love should be. Love is about caring for someone deeply enough to not make them go through anything as painful as your ‘loved one’ did. Maybe time was needed because they weren’t at the love phase just yet but if they expect you to stay still till they look around isn’t worth a second.
Nothing is worth losing your dignity over and the phrase should just be kept till theatrical performances and not implemented in our lives. Love is about holding onto someone and making sure that they remind you of just how precious you are to them. The next time you feel as if you’re in a similar situation as this, ask yourself this: is it love or humiliation?