Boyfriend asks Girlfriend to Pay Half of His Mortgage After Knowing She Makes More Money than Him

Every couple should discuss finances openly – it’s one of the most vital parts of every relationship. It can lead to either a pleasant or a problematic relationship. It’s very important for both people to be on the same financial wavelength and support each other.

Today’s Reddit story comes from the AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit & is about a woman who makes more money than her boyfriend. When the boyfriend found out about the massive difference, he blatantly asked her to pay half of the mortgage of his house.

The Story

A 22-year-old woman with the username BusinessSubstantial7 posted her story. Here it is:

“My boyfriend (29M) and I (22F) recently decided to move in together. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. I am currently renting an apartment and he has a house that he bought just before we started dating.

“Before moving in together, we thought it’d be best to discuss finances. He’s a doctor and I’m a social media manager. He told me how much he makes and it was more or less what I expected. When I told him how much I make, he kind of laughed and said I’m supposed to tell him how much I make per month, not per year. I told him no, that’s how much I make per month. His shock was understandable to me- I make 150% of his salary.

“I told him that it’s just because I work for a client in a country where the currency is nearly 20x stronger. If I had this same job in our country, I would only make a quarter of what he does.

“I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle so you wouldn’t be able to tell that I make as much money as I do by just looking at me. I still live in a small apartment that I got when I was making less than 20% of what I make now, and I never learned how to drive (I know, I know) so I don’t have a car and get around exclusively by e-hailing services.

“Once the initial shock wore off, he said that’s great, because now I can pay half of his mortgage.

“I was a little taken aback by that. I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t going to contribute to the household at all. I would’ve been happy to buy groceries, pay utilities and cook and clean because my workload is MUCH lighter than his. I told him this and that I wouldn’t pay half his mortgage.

“He retorted that since I make so much more than him that the least I could do is pay just half the mortgage and that we could go half on groceries and utilities.

“I told him that that’s a little unfair because if we break up, he gets a house and I’m left with nothing, and that if that’s going to be the case I would rather stay in my apartment.

“I offered up a compromise. His house is sparsely decorated to say the least. He has 2x 1 seat couches, a table that’s too big and a tv that’s too small. Oh, and a bed. He’s never really there, so I get it. I told him that I would furnish the entire house and get the groceries, cook and clean, and we’d go half on utilities. But he still insisted that I pay half of the mortgage.

“He said that I still need a place to live, and that if I was going to be paying rent anyway, paying his mortgage would be the same thing. He said I’m being an A-hole for not wanting to pay it.

“My boyfriend is a smart man so I don’t know if he doesn’t see the logic (or lack thereof in my opinion) of what he’s saying or if I’m being dumb and it’s not a big deal.

“AITA for not wanting to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage?

“Note: I would’ve been happy to pay half of his rent. It’s not about the money. It’s about the principle.

“Edit 1: I will come back to add more information when I have some time, but for now I will say that half the mortgage he wants me to pay is 3x my current rent.”

The Responses

The Reddit community was quick to come to this woman’s defense and tell her she did the right thing. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:

Reddit user SupergirlKrypton said:

“NTA.

“I think what’s bugging you is that he made a declarative statement about you making half of his mortgage payment without asking you. That’s how I read it.”

anarchyshift commented:

“NTA

“Yikes. He is demanding you pay for his house and you guys are only 1.5 years into dating? It sounds a bit like his ego was hurt after learning how much you make and his retaliation is trying to guilt you into this.

“Don’t do it.

“Pay for utilities / monthly mortgage, etc., but do not give him any sway over using all your money as benefit to him and only him.”

Another user, Isolated_Reader62, chimed in:

“NTA, strictly speaking because he’s treating you as a tenant and not a significant other. Plus you said the mortgage is 3X your current rent. Because you don’t want to pay that (which is understandable) you offered to stay at your own apartment or move in and furnish/pay utilities/groceries, which is a fair trade. He’s looking to use you because of how much you’re making. Stand your ground.”

This post has over 1.9k comments and is still on-going, you can read all of the comments over on Reddit here.

Our Take

NTA. Your money, your choice – simple. We think this woman did the right thing and should keep her stance no matter what her boyfriend says. He shows a lot of toxic signs.

This looks like a developing story, we will keep you posted if this woman updates her story.

What’s Your Take?

What’s your take on this woman’s situation? Talk to us in the comments below!

Source: RedditAITA for refusing to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage?

7 comments
  1. I would move back to my apartment. It is his house not yours.
    What you make should not matter in sharing the expenses.

  2. Think of mortgage as rent. If that is the rent, and 2 live there, they should split it. If they don’t want to go half, they should find somewhere else they want to live and split that.

  3. Think of mortgage as rent. If that is the rent, and 2 live there, they should split it. If they don’t want to go half, they should find somewhere else they want to live and split that. Or not live together.
    And can get technical 30/70 of bills if the incomes are different.

  4. I would never not expect to my half of a house I was living in. Your renting now so you would be doing the same thing renting a spade. I think it selfish you expect not to pay half the bills.

  5. If her name was on the deed then I would say ok pay half the mortgage. But if not I wouldn’t do it because it would be only his house if you part ways and you get shafted. He’s using her and I sure wouldn’t do it

  6. That guy is a greedy user. He is obviously using the girl and taking advantage of her. The girl should tell him to change the mortgage deed and include her name if he wants her to pay half the mortgage. If he is not ready to make the girl a joint owner of the property, why does he want her to pay half the mortgage. He is the real a**hole.

  7. Yeah, I’d move back into my apartment. I’d totally pay towards the household, but paying someone else’s mortgage that happens to be 3x what I’m used to paying in rent? Sike. Im going home.

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