Boy, I’m not playing.
You should really stop getting my hopes up and making me think that we actually have a shot at eventually getting into a relationship with each other. You have already told me that you’re just not ready to commit to anyone yet. But you still keep on acting like you want to get with me. Your actions are telling me that you’re up for having something special with me. But your words are telling me something else. You keep saying that you don’t want anything serious with anyone; but you keep on trying to act like you’re serious with me. Don’t put me in a position of having to figure out why your words don’t match your actions. Don’t put me in a position of having to read between the lines. I hate the ambiguity. I hate the vagueness.
You just keep on telling me that the last time you were in a relationship with someone, it really messed with your heart. You told me that it really had you feeling all sorts of things that you weren’t supposed to be feeling. You told me that the last time you were in a relationship, it was a really toxic experience for you. You said that you’re not in a good place at the moment because of how bad your last relationship was – and that’s the reason why you have to hold yourself back from getting with me. You said that you haven’t let go of the baggage from your previous relationship just yet. You told me that you’re still dealing with some pains in your heart.
Well, so what?
You aren’t the only person who has ever been hurt in the past. You aren’t the only person who has ever tried a hand at love and lost. You don’t have a monopoly on failed romantic ventures. There are so many people who have been where you are right now. There are so many hearts that have been broken in ways that your heart hasn’t. And just because you’ve been hurt by someone in the past doesn’t mean that you automatically get to hurt someone else in return. It doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to pay your pain forward. You don’t get to pass your negativity on.
Just because you made it perfectly clear with me that you have no intentions of getting into a relationship with me doesn’t give you the freedom to just do whatever you want to me and not have to own up to the consequences. You can’t do that. You don’t get to absolve yourself of the responsibility and accountability of your actions just because you’ve been hurt in the past. You don’t get to do that – most especially not to me. I won’t let you or anyone treat me in that manner. You won’t ever get the satisfaction of benefitting from my pain. You won’t get a kick out of owning me because I won’t let you.
I’m not going to let you just hug me and hold my hand whenever you want. I’m not going to let you kiss me whenever you crave for affection. I’m not going to let you into my bed just because you need some physical stimulation. I’m not going to let you call me during odd hours just because you’re in need of some emotional fulfilment. I won’t let you do any of these things to me until you’re willing to tell me that you want to commit to me. I won’t let you have your way with me unless you let me have my way with you.
It doesn’t matter that you gave me a disclaimer about where you stand and what you want out of me. That’s stupid. I’m not stupid enough to allow myself to fall for that. I’m not weak enough to consent to letting you reap the benefits of a relationship without having you live up to your end of the bargain. Just because you tell me from the start that you don’t want anything serious doesn’t mean that I should just agree with you right away. You are stupid to think that I would ever consent to such conditions.
If you want to have a little fun with me, then you really need to be serious with me. If you want to flirt with me, then you really need to be in a relationship with me. If you want to be able connect with me, then you need to show me that you are ready to commit with me too. If you want to be able to hold my heart in your hands, then you need to let me hold yours in return. Otherwise, don’t waste my time.