Starting over is one of the hardest steps to take.
We hear it all too often especially when we get our hearts broken: “Just get over it and move on already!”
But moving on isn’t so simple as just merely deciding to do it and then actually doing it. There’s so much more to it than that. We are often told that we need to just forget about our failed relationships; about how our past lovers need to stay in the past where they belong. We are told that we need to move on with our lives without clinging on to these terrible memories and unfortunate endings.
They say that it’s absolutely imperative for us to erase any reminders of our exes in our lives; to rid ourselves of any traces of their existence. We have to block them on our social media. We have to throw away whatever mementos they might have left behind.
We have to delete their contact details off our phones. They say that all we really have to do to make ourselves feel better is to just leave everything related to our failed relationships in the past. But they’re wrong. That’s only a part of it; a very small part of it in fact. The struggle doesn’t really lie in letting go of something that has already been lost. The real struggle lies in starting something from scratch after you’ve just lost everything that you loved so deeply.
They never tell you about how hard it will be for you to pick yourself back up once you realize that you’ve hit rock bottom. They didn’t tell you about the grueling struggle that comes with having to rebuild your life after you’ve come to terms wit the fact that your failed relationship is never going to materialize itself ever again.
There are many phases that come with having to move on and get over someone. There are many stages that one has to go through. And don’t kid yourself. The hardest stage is actually the final one – the stage of you having to start your life all over without the company of this person who once held your heart.
You are going to feel like an infant; like you have to learn how to live life again. Because it’s going to be a very new experience for you; having to face a world alone after having been in a very deep and emotional relationship with someone for so long. It’s going to be a very difficult experience altogether and it might be daunting. You are going to have to relearn what it’s like to have dinners alone at home. You are going to have to relearn how to keep yourself productive with your newfound solitude and isolation.
You are going to have to relearn what it’s like to head out and run errands on your own. You’re going to have to relearn what it’s like to attend social functions without having someone at your arm. Sure, these might seem like very simple and insignificant things to you; but once you’re in that actual situation, you will understand just why these aren’t experiences that anyone should be taking lightly. You don’t know the kind of strength and conviction that it takes to face the world alone after having grown accustomed to facing life with someone at your side for so long.
It might take you some substantial time. It might take you a lot of effort. You’re going to go through a lot of moments where you will find yourself fighting back with all of your might. You will want to subdue all of the emptiness and loneliness that are just creeping up inside of you. You are going to want to ignore all of those heavy and negative emotions – but they are going to demand to be felt. And while that may make it difficult for you to really start rebuilding your life again, you are going to have to do so anyway – for the sake of your wellbeing.
And we’ve saved the best and most challenging aspect of moving on for last – developing the courage to fall in love again. You’ve fallen in love once, twice, multiple times before. And each of those times, things didn’t work out the way that you wanted them to. Each of those times, you had your disappointments. Each of those times, you got your heartbroken. And because of these unfortunate endings, you have found yourself to be broken and scarred.
And you don’t know if you still have what it takes to fall in love again. You don’t know if you can take another heartbreak. And that’s the real challenge. It’s in being able to keep the faith and hope for love alive. It’s in being brave enough to still pursue love – even when it has knocked you down so many times before.